Why it's important for partners to understand how trauma affects their soldier
Trauma can have a profound impact on an individual's mental health and overall well-being. For service members who experience combat, witness violence, or face extreme stress while serving, this is especially true. When these experiences lead to post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD), survivors may struggle with flashbacks, nightmares, anxiety, depression, isolation, and more. This can put strain on even the strongest relationship.
Partners who are willing to learn about PTSD and its effects can build resilience and maintain connection with their loved ones during difficult times.
How soldiers process traumatic memories
Soldiers who experience trauma may suppress, avoid, or block out painful memories. They may also relive them through flashbacks or nightmares. The brain responds to this kind of emotional distress as if they were facing a real threat again. As a result, they may feel intense fear, shame, guilt, or helplessness. These feelings can make it hard to connect with others, particularly in intimate relationships. Soldiers who are struggling with PTSD may seem detached, distant, irritable, or closed off. Their behavior may be erratic or unpredictable. They may withdraw from social situations or act out violently. Partners need to know that this is not personal. It's simply part of the way the brain processes trauma.
Ways partners can support their soldier without triggering their trauma
Partners play an important role in supporting their soldier through treatment for PTSD. One of the most important things they can do is practice empathy and validation. Rather than trying to "fix" or control the situation, they should acknowledge the pain their partner is experiencing. By listening, validating, and offering support, they show that they care and understand how tough it must be. This allows the soldier to open up without feeling judged or ashamed.
Tips for communicating effectively when dealing with trauma-related challenges
Communication is key in any relationship. When partners struggle with traumatic memories, it's essential that they learn to communicate effectively.
They can avoid blaming or shaming statements like "Why can't you just get over it?" Instead, they might say something like "I see how hard this is for you. I'm here to listen." They can also set boundaries around topics of conversation, such as agreeing not to discuss certain events.
They can be patient and understanding when communication breaks down.
How to build resilience together
Building resilience is a long-term process that requires effort and commitment from both partners. Resilient couples are able to bounce back from adversity and grow stronger in the face of challenge. To strengthen your bond, try working out together, spending time alone, talking about positive experiences, and practicing self-care rituals like meditation or journaling. You can even share gratitude exercises, where each person lists three things they're grateful for every day. These activities help build trust and intimacy, which can make it easier to cope with difficult times.
How do partners maintain connection when soldiers process traumatic memories that they are unable or unwilling to share?
The partner should be patient and understanding towards the soldier's feelings, thoughts, and behaviors during their recollection of traumatic events. They should avoid making any assumptions about what is going on with them and allow them to express themselves freely. Additionally, the partner should create an emotionally safe environment wherein the soldier feels secure enough to open up and share whatever they feel comfortable sharing.