The word "trauma" evokes different meanings for everyone. It can be an intense emotional response to a negative event that causes physical injury or psychological damage, such as war, violence, abuse, accidents, death of a loved one, or natural disaster. Trauma can also refer to the aftermath of a traumatic experience – feelings of fear, helplessness, guilt, anger, shame, isolation, or numbness. In general, it is a wound that needs time to heal. For veterans who have experienced trauma during military service, these changes may affect their sexual behavior or desire. Partners play a crucial role in helping them through this process. This article will explore how partners adjust their expectations to accommodate trauma-driven changes in veterans' sexual behavior or desire.
How Veterans Experience Sexual Changes After Trauma
Veterans returning from active duty face many challenges, including reintegrating into civilian life and dealing with post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD) symptoms. These include hypervigilance, difficulty sleeping, nightmares, flashbacks, avoidance behaviors, aggression, depression, anxiety, irritability, and other mood disorders. These symptoms can interfere with intimacy and eroticism. PTSD can cause changes in sexual function, arousal, orgasmic ability, pleasure, and satisfaction. Some veterans may lose interest in sex, become unresponsive or anxious, have trouble maintaining erections or achieving ejaculation, feel less sensually engaged, or be distracted by intrusive thoughts during intimate moments. Other times, they may engage in risky sexual behaviors, such as extramarital affairs, unsafe sex, or self-harm. All of these factors make it difficult for partners to meet their partner's needs and adjust their own sexual desires accordingly.
The Impact of Trauma on Sexual Desire and Behavior
Trauma can affect sexual desire and behavior due to various reasons. It can lead to feelings of guilt, shame, embarrassment, and fear that negatively impact intimacy and trust. Partners who experience trauma often feel guilty about what happened during the trauma, leading to low libido or anxiety around sexual performance. They may also feel helpless, powerless, or vulnerable, making them resistant to closeness and affection. They may struggle to connect emotionally and physically with their partner. This can cause frustration and conflict, leading to further isolation and detachment. Veterans suffering from PTSD may feel distant, numb, or avoidant towards their partner, which can further strain relationships.
Accommodating Changes in Veterans' Sexuality
Partners need to understand how trauma has affected their loved one's sexuality. They must communicate openly and honestly about their own needs and expectations while showing patience and compassion. They should create a safe space where veterans feel comfortable expressing themselves without judgment or criticism. They should listen actively and validate their partner's experiences without trying to fix or minimize them. Partners should avoid pressuring their partner into having sex or assuming they are not interested in sex anymore. Instead, they should offer non-sexual acts of love and support, such as cuddling, massages, or hugs. Partners should recognize that healing takes time, and they cannot rush it. They should encourage their partner to seek professional help if needed.
Addressing Trauma-Related Fears and Anxieties
Veterans with trauma-related fears may find it challenging to be intimate or show affection publicly. Partners should provide reassurance and support by reminding them that they are safe and secure in the relationship. They should also help their partner identify and challenge negative beliefs about themselves and intimacy.
Partners could ask "How can I help you overcome your fears?" or "What makes you feel safe during intimacy?". Partners should also set boundaries and limits if necessary to protect themselves from abusive or unsafe behaviors. This helps build trust and mutual respect, allowing both parties to meet each other's needs safely and effectively.
The Role of Sex Therapy and Counseling
Sex therapists and counselors can help partners adjust their expectations around sexual behavior and desire after trauma. They can work with both parties to improve communication, problem-solving skills, and conflict resolution techniques. They can teach new coping strategies for dealing with trauma triggers and symptoms, improving emotional regulation, and increasing physical sensitivity and arousal. Partners can learn how to express their needs without imposing on the veteran's feelings or desires. Sex therapists can also recommend sexual practices that enhance pleasure and satisfaction, such as mindfulness exercises, erotic massages, or sensory stimulation. These interventions can help partners maintain a healthy sex life while healing from trauma-related wounds.
Supporting Veterans' Sexual Healing
Traumatic experiences affect sexuality profoundly. While it is normal for partners to adjust their expectations when faced with these changes, they must be sensitive and supportive in doing so. Veterans returning from active duty need time and space to heal, which requires patience, understanding, and care. Communication, non-sexual acts of love, and professional help can all play crucial roles in supporting a partner's journey towards intimacy and sexual well-being. By accommodating their partner's changing desires and behaviors, partners can strengthen their relationship and support their loved one's recovery process.
In what ways do partners adjust their expectations to accommodate trauma-driven changes in veterans' sexual behavior or desire?
According to research, partners of military veterans who have experienced traumatic events often make significant adjustments to their sexual relationship with their partner. These adjustments may include modifying sexual routines, exploring new sexual activities, and communicating more openly about their needs and desires (Morgan et al. , 2015).