What is personal desire? How do people define their desires? Why are these important to have fulfilled? What happens if they aren't met?
Desire is an internal motivation that drives us toward something. It can be physical, emotional, intellectual, spiritual, or all of them combined. People may express their desires through behaviors such as eating, exercising, reading, writing, watching movies, and having sex. They may also want to achieve specific goals or outcomes related to work, family, relationships, education, and leisure activities. Desire is a vital aspect of human life because it gives meaning and purpose to existence. When desires are fulfilled, they bring pleasure and satisfaction. But when they aren't, individuals feel frustrated and unsatisfied. This affects their mood, self-esteem, and overall well-being.
A person who wants to become a lawyer but doesn't get accepted into law school feels disappointed and discouraged. If this feeling persists for too long, they might develop depression or anxiety.
Personal desires in intimate relationships involve sexuality, romance, trust, communication, and commitment. These can be expressed verbally, nonverbally, and physically. The problem arises when partners suppress their individual needs for relational harmony. When one partner tries to satisfy the other's needs at the expense of their own, this creates imbalance. This leads to resentment and anger because both parties feel unappreciated and neglected. Eventually, the relationship breaks down due to lack of respect, mutual understanding, and empathy.
Psychological risks arise when partners suppress personal desires for relational harmony because:
1) It erodes trust between partners. Trust is built on honesty, transparency, vulnerability, and reciprocity. When one partner hides their true feelings and needs, they risk losing the other's confidence and loyalty. This makes them susceptible to infidelity, dishonesty, manipulation, and betrayal.
2) It causes emotional distance and disconnection. Partners may withdraw from each other emotionally and physically. They stop sharing their thoughts, feelings, hopes, fears, dreams, and expectations. They avoid intimacy, closeness, affection, and sex. They create emotional walls that prevent meaningful communication and connection.
3) It damages self-esteem. Suppressing desires affects mental health by lowering self-worth and self-confidence. Individuals who compromise their needs constantly feel inferior, inadequate, and powerless. They doubt themselves and question their abilities. This can lead to depression, anxiety, addiction, eating disorders, or suicidal thoughts.
4) It increases conflict and stress. Differences in desire can cause arguments and fights. If not resolved through open dialogue and negotiation, these escalate into yelling matches, violence, estrangement, or divorce. The relationship becomes unstable and precarious. Conflicts exhaust both parties mentally and emotionally, making them less resilient and more prone to illnesses.
5) It limits growth and exploration. Personal desires drive us toward new experiences, knowledge, and skills. By suppressing them, we limit our potential for personal development and self-actualization. We become stagnant and stuck in old patterns of behavior, thought, and feeling. This reduces the possibility of change, innovation, and transformation.
How can partners address psychological risks when they arise?
1) Address conflicts head-on. Openly discuss differences in desire and explore solutions together. Avoid blaming, shaming, or criticizing each other. Listen actively and empathetically, without judgment or interruption. Use "I" statements to express feelings rather than "you" accusations. Focus on shared goals and interests instead of individual preferences. Negotiate compromises that benefit both parties.
2) Practice emotional intimacy and vulnerability. Share thoughts, feelings, hopes, fears, dreams, and expectations with each other. Be honest about needs, wants, desires, and intentions. Ask for what you want directly and assertively. Express gratitude, appreciation, and admiration often. Hold hands, hug, kiss, cuddle, and make love regularly. Practice mindful communication and active listening.
3) Seek professional help if needed. Work with a therapist or counselor to identify sources of conflict and tension. Learn communication skills and conflict resolution strategies. Get support and guidance from family, friends, mentors, and colleagues. Find ways to relax, recharge, and rejuvenate through meditation, exercise, spirituality, creativity, or travel.
4) Keep boundaries healthy. Set limits and standards for behavior, interaction, and respect. Define personal space, privacy, time, responsibilities, and obligations. Recognize when enough is enough and say no to unreasonable demands. Avoid manipulation, coercion, control, and abuse. If necessary, seek
What psychological risks arise when partners suppress personal desires for relational harmony?
Partners who try to suppress their own individual needs and desires for the sake of maintaining relational harmony are more likely to experience increased levels of stress, anxiety, and depression over time (Lewis et al. , 2019). This is because they may feel as if they are constantly giving up parts of themselves in order to meet the expectations of their partner, which can lead to feelings of resentment and frustration.