Intimacy and frequency of affectionate touch predict sexual satisfaction more than intercourse frequency.
Research has found that physical closeness is an important indicator of overall relationship happiness, but it's unclear which factors contribute most to sexual satisfaction. One study explored whether intimacy, including hugs, kisses, cuddling, holding hands, and caressing, predicted sexual satisfaction better than sexual activity itself. Participants were in heterosexual romantic relationships and completed questionnaires about their sexual behavior and experiences twice per day for three weeks. Results showed that greater intimate contact was associated with higher levels of sexual satisfaction regardless of sexual frequency. However, sexual activity did not predict increased levels of satisfaction when individuals had low intimate contact. The findings suggest that intimacy may be essential for sustaining sexual desire and arousal in long-term relationships.
The role of intimacy in sexual satisfaction
Sexual satisfaction is often considered a measure of relationship quality, but little research has examined how nonsexual behaviors contribute to this outcome. To address this gap, researchers used daily diary data from 126 women and men in committed romantic relationships who provided information about their sexual and intimate behaviors across three weeks. They found that both sexual and intimate behaviors predicted sexual satisfaction, but intimate behaviors accounted for up to 45% more variance than sexual ones alone (Kerner et al., 2013). Intimate behaviors included hugging, kissing, holding hands, cuddling, or caressing. Sexual behaviors included intercourse, masturbation, and oral sex. Overall, the results suggested that intimacy is crucial for maintaining sexual desire and arousal in long-term relationships.
Factors influencing sexual satisfaction
Intimacy plays a significant role in sexual satisfaction, but other factors also contribute. These include age, gender, relationship length, education level, attachment style, sexual orientation, and physical health. Older adults tend to report lower levels of sexual satisfaction than younger adults (Schmidt & Simons, 2017), while those with college degrees tend to have higher levels (Laumann et al., 1994). Individuals with an avoidant attachment style may be less satisfied with their sex lives because they are less comfortable expressing needs and desires (Murray et al., 2018). Additionally, LGBTQ+ individuals may face unique challenges related to social stigma and discrimination that can impact their overall well-being and sexual satisfaction (Bell et al., 2016). Physical health issues such as chronic pain or illness may also affect sexual functioning and satisfaction (Walsh, 2018).
The importance of intimacy in long-term relationships
As relationships progress, couples often prioritize emotional closeness over sexual frequency, which can lead to decreased satisfaction (Penhollow, 2003). However, research suggests that frequent displays of affection and intimate touch increase feelings of connection and attraction (Arriaga & Floyd, 2014). For example, holding hands, hugging, and kissing release oxytocin, a hormone associated with bonding and trust (Field & Hernandez-Reif, 2007). Touch is also associated with increased feelings of self-esteem, confidence, and relaxation (Hertenstein et al., 2010). In contrast, intercourse is not always necessary for maintaining relationship quality. Some studies show that lower sexual activity is associated with greater stability in longer-term relationships (Fisher et al., 2015), while others suggest that regular intercourse may promote infidelity risk (Cornwell et al., 2015). Ultimately, the key to sustaining sexual desire and arousal appears to be fostering physical and emotional intimacy through nonsexual behaviors.
How to cultivate intimacy in your relationship
To cultivate intimacy in your relationship, focus on nonsexual touch and communication. Start by scheduling daily or weekly dates where you and your partner engage in physical contact without expectations of sex. This could include massages, walks, or snuggling on the couch. Make an effort to listen actively and respond empathetically during conversations, even if it's challenging. Seek common interests or activities outside of the bedroom, such as cooking together or playing board games. Finally, be open about your needs and desires, including what types of touch you enjoy, how often you want to have sex, and any concerns you might have. By prioritizing intimacy, couples can build a stronger foundation for healthy sexual satisfaction over time.
In conclusion, intimate behaviors like hugging, kissing, and holding hands appear to predict sexual satisfaction better than sexual frequency alone. These findings highlight the importance of nurturing physical and emotional closeness in long-term relationships. However, other factors such as age, gender, attachment style, education level, and physical health can impact overall well-being and sexual satisfaction. Couples should strive to communicate openly about their needs and desires while prioritizing nonsexual behaviors that promote connection and trust. With intentional effort, they can create sustained sexual satisfaction and fulfillment in their partnerships.