Trauma is defined as an emotional response to a terrible event that is so great that it can change how you see yourself, others, and your surroundings. Traumatic events can cause emotional distress, fear, anxiety, and sadness. When people experience trauma, they may feel isolated, disconnected, and unable to relate to others. They may also have difficulty communicating their feelings or expressing themselves. Trauma can lead to symptoms such as intrusive memories, nightmares, flashbacks, avoidance of triggers, hypervigilance, irritability, anger outbursts, self-blame, guilt, shame, depression, suicidal thoughts, substance abuse, eating disorders, and physical illnesses. People who have experienced trauma often seek safety and comfort in close relationships but can become easily triggered and withdraw from them. These relational dynamics create cycles of closeness and distance that can be damaging to both parties involved. This paper will explore what relational dynamics emerge when trauma induces alternating patterns of closeness and withdrawal.
The trauma cycle begins with the initial shock or impact of the traumatic event. This can include sudden death, accidents, natural disasters, war, sexual assault, domestic violence, rape, childhood abuse, or other traumas. The individual experiences intense pain, terror, confusion, and helplessness. They may relive the event repeatedly through flashbacks, images, and thoughts. Their ability to cope becomes compromised, and they struggle to function normally. In order to protect themselves, they may turn inward and isolate themselves from others. They may become preoccupied with fear and anxiety and withdraw from social activities. They may shut down emotionally and physically to numb the pain.
In an attempt to regain a sense of control over their lives, some individuals may engage in risky behaviors such as drug use, gambling, or promiscuity. Others may develop addictions to food, alcohol, drugs, work, sex, or relationships. Some people may also try to numb themselves by self-harming behaviors like cutting, burning, or suicide attempts. These coping mechanisms can lead to further isolation and alienation.
As time passes, the person may start to experience intrusive memories and nightmares. They may feel unable to trust others or form close bonds. They may have difficulty communicating their needs and desires due to feelings of shame and guilt. They may also avoid intimate conversations or interactions for fear of being judged or rejected. This leads to further isolation and distance from loved ones. They may seek out new partners who are willing to provide comfort but may be drawn to those who mirror the abuser or perpetrator. This creates a cycle of trauma that can last for years or even decades.
When someone is triggered by something reminding them of the traumatic event, it can cause intense emotional distress. This can include panic attacks, crying, anger, and flashbacks. The individual may withdraw from friends and family to cope with the pain. They may become preoccupied with thoughts about the trauma and struggle to focus on anything else. Their ability to express affection, empathy, and compassion becomes limited. They may become distant and cold towards their partner, leading to a lack of intimacy in the relationship.
The dynamics between two people involved in this type of relationship can become chaotic. One person may feel angry, betrayed, and abandoned while the other feels guilty, ashamed, and responsible. It can create an unhealthy dynamic where one person tries to control and manipulate the other through threats, manipulation, and gaslighting. This can lead to arguments, fighting, and mistrust. Both parties may feel alone and isolated as they try to navigate the complexities of the situation.
There is hope for healing and recovery. Therapy can help individuals learn to process and understand their trauma. They can develop healthier coping strategies such as mindfulness, journaling, exercise, and meditation. This allows them to gain more control over their emotions and reduce symptoms. With time, trust can be rebuilt, and communication improved. Couples can work together to heal and rebuild their relationships based on mutual respect, trust, and understanding.
What relational dynamics emerge when trauma induces alternating patterns of closeness and withdrawal?
Relationship difficulties that result from alternating patterns of closeness and withdrawal can include feelings of unpredictability, mistrust, anxiety, and fear. Traumatic experiences may cause individuals to struggle with regulating their emotions, which can lead to sudden shifts between intimacy and distance in relationships. This can create tension and confusion for both parties involved, as they are unsure about how to navigate these changes and manage their expectations.