Today's teens are expected to be more open about their feelings and explore them freely. This is partly due to societal attitudes that have changed since previous generations, but also because there has been an increase in psychological studies of emotions in recent decades.
These new insights can sometimes come as a surprise for those who grew up being taught that their feelings were something private or shameful. When teenagers experience their first romance, they may expect it to mirror what they see on TV shows or read about in books. But when reality sets in, they must learn how to deal with disappointment, loss, betrayal, rejection, and other negative emotions that come from having their expectations dashed. They may feel confused, hurt, angry, lonely, scared, ashamed, or embarrassed. In some cases, this can lead to depression, anxiety, self-harm, or even suicidal thoughts. Teenagers should seek professional help if they find themselves struggling emotionally after a relationship goes sour. Parents can provide support, too. It's important that they talk openly with their children about sex, sexuality, eroticism, intimacy, love, and relationships.
Expectations of Love
Teenage girls are often told by parents, teachers, friends, movies, magazines, social media influencers, etc., that they need to have a boyfriend/girlfriend to be popular or happy. There is pressure to act like someone you aren't just to please others. The idea is that one day, the perfect boy will sweep them off their feet, take them out on dates, buy them flowers, listen to all their problems, kiss them passionately, do cute things together, text them constantly, call them everyday. But this rarely happens. Most relationships start slowly and gradually deepen over time. Sometimes there isn't even much physical contact at first. And romance can fade away quickly as people grow apart or meet new partners. Girls (and boys) need to know that it's normal for dating experiences to vary widely in intensity, duration, and quality. They shouldn't think something is wrong with them if they don't get what they want right away.
Different Types of Love
Some teens may not realize that there are different types of love: romantic, platonic, familial, spiritual, self-love. Each type is distinct and requires its own approach.
Romantic love involves feelings of attraction, infatuation, lust, longing, affection, and commitment. This type of love is idealized but also fragile because it depends on two people who can't control each other's thoughts or actions. Platonic love is based on mutual trust, respect, understanding, support, kindness, loyalty, and acceptance without sexual desire. It's more flexible and forgiving than romantic love. Familial love includes a mix of emotions such as unconditional love, protectiveness, admiration, pride, nurturing, guidance, responsibility. Spiritual love focuses on divine connection, devotion, faith, worship, service, prayer, meditation. Self-love is about accepting oneself warts and all, valuing one's strengths and weaknesses equally, and learning to be independent. Teenagers need to understand how these four types of love work so they can recognize when they feel one over another.
Adapting Emotionally
When a teenager feels betrayed by their crush or ex-boyfriend/girlfriend, they must deal with the painful emotions that come up like anger, sadness, grief, envy, jealousy, regret, resentment, confusion, fear, loneliness, etc. They may try to numb themselves by using drugs or alcohol, engaging in risky behavior, sleeping around, cutting off communication with friends and family, self-harming, etc. Others turn to art therapy, writing journals, talking to counselors, reading inspirational quotes. The key is to find healthy ways to process negative feelings before acting out destructively. This means acknowledging them directly instead of repressing or denying them. It also involves recognizing that emotions are temporary, fleeting, subjective, and unique to each person. Learning to cope with difficult emotions will prepare teens for adulthood where they face more challenges related to relationships than ever before.
How do teenagers emotionally adapt when their expectations of love collide with reality?
Teenagers are known for having grand ideas about romantic relationships, but they often lack the experience necessary to navigate these complex situations effectively. When teens' expectations of love clash with reality, it can be difficult for them to cope emotionally. They may feel confused, hurt, disappointed, frustrated, and angry. Some teens may withdraw from social interaction altogether while others may act out aggressively towards their partner or others around them.