In today's society, there is an increasing recognition that traumatic experiences can have significant impacts on individuals' perceptions of intimacy and interpersonal relationships. Trauma has been defined as "an emotional response to a terrible event such as an accident, rape, or natural disaster" 1. It is characterized by feelings of fear, helplessness, and horror and can lead to physical and psychological symptoms such as anxiety, depression, post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD), and sleep disturbances 2.
When someone goes through a traumatic experience, it can alter their sense of safety and trust in others, making them feel vulnerable and unworthy of love. This can cause them to avoid close connections altogether or seek out unsafe ones 3. As a result, they may find it difficult to form healthy relationships and build strong bonds with others. They might struggle with communication issues, difficulty expressing needs, and trust issues. In addition, past abuse or neglect can also influence how they perceive intimate encounters, leading to negative beliefs about sex and intimacy.
Survivors of childhood sexual abuse may view all sexual contact as harmful and dangerous 4. Consequently, this can create barriers to forming meaningful connections with potential partners, which affects not only the individual but also those around them who may be deprived of experiencing true connection and intimacy.
Trauma can change one's self-perception and body image. Survivors may feel ashamed or guilty, resulting in low self-esteem and a lack of confidence. This affects their ability to be vulnerable and open up, reducing their chances of developing deep emotional connections.
Trauma can cause flashbacks, nightmares, and intrusive thoughts that make intimacy challenging. The physical sensations associated with these experiences can be overwhelming and triggering, preventing individuals from feeling comfortable enough to connect deeply with another person.
To reconstruct relational expectations, it is essential for individuals to recognize and acknowledge the impact of their traumatic experiences on their perceptions of intimacy. They must learn to identify their patterns and behaviors that are rooted in fear and distrust and work towards changing them. This involves building trust, setting boundaries, communicating effectively, and creating safe spaces for emotional expression. With time and patience, individuals can develop healthier relationship skills that allow them to form meaningful relationships based on mutual respect, care, and affection.
1 PTSD (2022). National Institute of Mental Health. Retrieved from https://www.nimh.nih.gov/health/topics/post-traumatic-stress-disorder-ptsd 2 Trauma (n.d.). WebMD. Retrieved from https://www.webmd.com/mental-health/what-is-trauma1 3 Intimate Relationships (2022). Psychology Today. Retrieved from https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/basics/intimate-relationships 4 Childhood Sexual Abuse (2019). Rape, Abuse & Incest National Network. Retrieved from https://www.rainn.org/statistics/csa
How do individuals reconstruct relational expectations when trauma alters their sense of what intimacy should or can feel like?
When an individual has experienced trauma, they may find it difficult to trust others and form healthy relationships because of the impact on their sense of safety and security. This can lead them to have difficulty understanding how to interact with other people and form close bonds. It is important for these individuals to work through their past experiences and learn new ways of relating to others that are based on mutual respect and care. With time and effort, this can be possible.