Long distance relationships are becoming increasingly common due to globalization, technology advances, work requirements, military service, prison terms, migration, student exchange programs, medical treatment abroad, etc. In the past, being apart was difficult and expensive; nowadays, it's cheap, easy, and even necessary.
Keeping the relationship alive can be hard for both partners. Psychologists have studied what makes people stay together while away from each other. They found that there are specific psychological processes which enable the maintenance of closeness across long distances or separation. These include:
1. Constant communication - Communication is essential for maintaining a relationship. This means regular phone calls, video chats, text messages, emails, letters, etc. Partners who talk often feel more connected and less lonely. It helps them keep up with each other's lives and solve problems quickly. The key is frequency and quality: too much talking may be counterproductive. Too little will make one partner feel neglected. Couples should agree on their level of interaction and keep it consistent.
2. Mutual understanding - Misunderstandings happen naturally when two people are separated by time and space. Being able to decode the other person's behavior, intentions, feelings, and needs requires empathy, good listening skills, and clear expression. It also involves trust in the partner's honesty and reliability. People who know each other well tend to read between the lines and anticipate each other's responses.
If your partner sends you a picture of flowers, they probably want you to know how much they miss you.
3. Shared goals and values - Long distance couples need shared interests and aspirations to give meaning to their connection. This might include career plans, financial savings, educational achievements, traveling together, future family life, etc. Goals help partners feel like they belong together and work towards something significant. They create motivation for staying close despite physical separation. It's important to discuss common objectives frequently and decide which ones are realistic and achievable.
4. Forgiveness - Couples tend to argue over trivial things or become distant due to stress or misunderstanding. When this happens, forgiveness can help repair the relationship and maintain intimacy. Accepting that mistakes happen, apologizing sincerely, and letting go of resentment prevents grudges from building up. Partners who forgive each other easily feel closer and more connected than those who hold on to anger or jealousy.
5. Physical affection - Touching is an essential component of romantic relationships.
It can be difficult to show physical intimacy when apart. Couples should find creative ways to express affection without physical contact: through voice messages, video calls, kisses sent by mail, etc. This helps them feel loved and appreciated even when miles away.
6. Mutual support - Being in different places doesn't mean not sharing problems and emotions. Long-distance couples still need support during tough times: job loss, health issues, family crises, etc. They must learn to trust each other with private information, offer advice, and be there for one another. Support makes people feel less alone and valued in the relationship. It can also strengthen their bond and make them appreciate each other more.
7. Shared experiences - Sharing activities or memories can bring partners closer together and foster a sense of togetherness.
Watching movies or playing games online while talking about them later. This creates a feeling of proximity and connection, making the distance seem shorter. Couples should try new things together, share pictures and stories, and keep each other updated on their daily lives.
8. Emotional intimacy - Talking about feelings and confiding in each other builds emotional closeness. People who understand each other's fears, desires, anxieties, and dreams feel understood and cared for. They become emotionally dependent on each other and look forward to spending time together again. They may share secrets, hopes, and doubts to reinforce their special bond.
9. Respect and admiration - Long-distance couples should show respect towards each other's needs, choices, opinions, lifestyle, background, etc. This includes treating each other as equals, listening to their points of view, acknowledging their uniqueness, and celebrating differences. Admiring each other's qualities and achievements helps create a sense of pride and belonging. Mutual admiration is essential for maintaining attraction and interest over time.
10. Commitment - Couples who stay committed to one another despite separation are more likely to succeed. This requires trust, loyalty, exclusivity, and commitment to the relationship. It means prioritizing the partner over others, supporting each other, and working towards common goals. Without this foundation, long-distance relationships might not survive if one person changes their mind or meets someone else in real life.
These processes help maintain psychological proximity across physical distance.
They require effort, communication, compromise, patience, and willingness to work through challenges. With effort, long-distance couples can preserve their connection and grow closer every day.
Long distance relationships are possible when partners make an effort to stay connected physically, emotionally, and psychologically. By following these tips, they can overcome the challenges of separation and build a stronger bond than ever before.
What psychological processes enable the maintenance of closeness across long distances or separation?
The desire for intimacy is an innate need that motivates individuals to establish and maintain connections with others. Long-distance relationships pose unique challenges due to physical distance and reduced frequency of interactions, but there are several psychological processes that enable people to maintain closeness despite these obstacles. One such process is empathy, which allows partners to understand each other's perspectives and feelings through verbal and nonverbal communication.