Sexuality is a complex topic that can be difficult to discuss even for couples who are deeply in love. When one partner is deployed in combat, it can be especially challenging to maintain a strong and satisfying relationship. For many military spouses, the experience of deployment can feel isolating and lonely, making communication about emotions and feelings even more important than usual.
Soldiers have been trained to suppress their emotions and focus on survival rather than express vulnerability or openness. This means that partners may struggle to maintain relational intimacy during these times when they need it most. Fortunately, there are strategies that both partners can use to bridge this gap and stay connected despite the physical distance between them. These tips will help you stay emotionally close while your loved one is away and provide support when they return home from service.
1. Communicate frequently and honestly:
Deployment can cause anxiety, stress, loneliness, and depression in both partners. It's essential to communicate regularly about how you're feeling and what you need from each other during this time. Use text messaging, video chat, letters, or phone calls to keep up with each other's day-to-day lives and share your thoughts, fears, and joys. If something upsets you, don't wait until you see each other again to talk about it—bring it up right away so that you can get support from your partner. If your soldier comes back injured or experiences post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD), be prepared to listen actively and offer unconditional love and support.
2. Find ways to connect without sex:
Sexual intimacy isn't the only way to maintain a healthy relationship, but it is an important part of many people's relationships. When you can't physically touch or be together, find other ways to feel close and connected. Share pictures of yourself, write love notes, send care packages with special treats inside, or engage in virtual activities such as online gaming or cooking classes together over Skype. Show appreciation for your partner's sacrifice by sending thoughtful messages throughout their deployment period. You could also try masturbating alone while thinking about them or watching pornographic videos if you're comfortable doing so. Whatever you do, remember that connection doesn't always have to involve physical intimacy.
3. Don't ignore red flags:
If either of you starts feeling distant or uninterested in one another during deployment, it may indicate underlying issues like depression or anxiety that need attention. Seek help from a mental health professional if needed. Don't assume that your partner will naturally return to normal after coming home—they may need time and patience before opening up emotionally again. It's okay to discuss these feelings openly and seek counseling if necessary. Remember that communication is key during this challenging time.
4. Give space when needed:
Your partner has been through a traumatic experience, and they may need more time than usual to process their emotions and re-adjust upon returning home. Allow them the space to do this without pressuring them into discussions too soon. Similarly, don't expect everything to go back exactly how it was pre-deployment; some relationships are forever changed by military service. Be prepared for changes in personality, interests, or relationship dynamics post-deployment. If something doesn't feel right, talk with each other about what needs adjusting rather than ignoring problems until they escalate further down the road.
5. Practice self-care:
Deployment can be stressful on both partners, so take care of yourself first by eating well, exercising regularly, getting enough sleep, and engaging in activities that make you happy outside of your relationship. This will help ensure that you have enough energy and positivity to support your loved one through tough times and create an environment conducive to healing. Try journaling about your thoughts and feelings or talking with friends who understand what you're going through.
6. Reconnect slowly:
When your soldier returns home from deployment, reconnect slowly and gently instead of jumping straight into physical intimacy. Ask questions about their experiences—don't assume anything—and listen actively to what they say before offering advice or suggestions. Make sure they get plenty of rest and relaxation time before initiating sexual contact again. Don't pressure them if they aren't ready yet; let them set the pace at which they become comfortable with intimacy once more. Remember that sex isn't a requirement of a healthy relationship; being present physically and emotionally is much more important during this transition period.
By following these tips, couples can maintain relational intimacy even when their partner is deployed. Communication, connection without sex, seeking help when needed, giving space when appropriate, practicing self-care, and reconnecting gradually are all important strategies for keeping strong bonds alive despite distance and trauma. Remember that it takes time and effort but is worth it for lasting emotional closeness in your relationship!
How do partners maintain relational intimacy when soldiers' emotional regulation strategies prioritize survival over connection?
Partners need to understand their soldier's needs during deployment and be supportive of them. They should encourage their partner to communicate openly about their feelings and experiences while also respecting their privacy. Additionally, partners can offer reassurance and understanding, as well as provide practical assistance with household chores and other tasks. Partners may benefit from seeking out resources such as counseling or support groups for spouses of deployed service members.