When soldiers return home after being deployed, they often experience relational ambivalence due to their emotional scars. Relational ambivalence is when an individual has mixed feelings about their relationship and can't decide whether to stay or leave. This can be particularly challenging for those suffering from combat stress injuries such as post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD) or traumatic brain injury (TBI). Partners play a vital role in supporting their loved ones who are dealing with this issue. They should understand what relational ambivalence is, how it affects relationships, and what steps they can take to provide support.
What is Relational Ambivalence?
Relational ambivalence occurs when someone experiences conflicting thoughts and emotions towards their partner. These emotions may include love and hate, attraction and repulsion, or caring and indifference. The person may feel like they want to break up but don't want to hurt their partner or think that leaving would be too difficult. They might have positive memories of the relationship but also negative ones. As a result, they can feel stuck and unsure of what decision to make. This ambivalence causes distress and makes it hard for them to function normally in their life.
How Does Relational Ambivalence Impact Relationships?
Relational ambivalence can create tension within the relationship. One partner may feel confused by their partner's mixed messages and withdraw from communication while the other tries to figure out what they want. Their partner may become frustrated at not being able to meet their needs or understand why they keep changing their mind.
This can lead to resentment and distance between them, which can further exacerbate the problem. It can also cause partners to question themselves, leading to feelings of guilt or self-doubt.
This can damage trust and intimacy in the relationship.
Steps Partners Can Take to Support Soldiers with Relational Ambivalence
If your loved one is struggling with relational ambivalence, there are several steps you can take to provide support:
1. Listen: Be open and willing to listen without judgment. Allow them to express their feelings without interruption or criticism. Avoid telling them how they should feel or offering unsolicited advice. Instead, validate their emotions and let them know you understand how difficult this must be for them.
2. Talk: Encourage your partner to talk about their thoughts and emotions. Create a safe space where they can share their experiences without fear of retribution. Ask questions to gain a deeper understanding of what they're going through, but avoid pushing them to make any decisions.
3. Seek Help: If your partner has PTSD or TBI, encourage them to seek professional help. They may benefit from therapy, medication, or both. You can offer to accompany them to appointments or help with childcare while they attend.
4. Offer Emotional Support: Let your partner know that you care about them and want to be there for them no matter what decision they make. Remind them that you love and respect them, even if they decide to leave.
5. Practice Self-Care: Take care of yourself by eating well, exercising regularly, and getting enough sleep. Find activities that bring you joy and spend time doing them alone or with friends outside the relationship. This will allow you to stay strong during this challenging time and have something positive to offer your partner.
Relational ambivalence is a complex issue faced by many soldiers returning home from deployment. Partners can provide support in several ways, including listening, talking, seeking help, offering emotional support, and practicing self-care. By being open, empathetic, and patient, partners can show their loved ones that they are there for them through thick and thin. With time and effort, couples affected by relational ambivalence can find peace and move forward together.
How do partners support soldiers who struggle with relational ambivalence caused by cumulative operational trauma?
In general, partners can help their soldier spouse cope with feelings of relational ambivalence that may stem from cumulative operational traumas by being there for them emotionally and physically during difficult times. Partners should be patient, understanding, and willing to listen to their partner's experiences and struggles without judgment.