A couple's ability to maintain their relationship satisfaction despite experiencing stress, pain, or crisis is called resilience. Studies have shown that some couples are better equipped than others to cope with life challenges and maintain their bonds in the face of adversity.
Research has identified various factors that contribute to marital stability after the death of a child, such as religious beliefs and coping strategies (Metzger & Hagestad, 2018). Other studies have found that couples who are more optimistic about the future tend to report higher levels of relationship satisfaction compared to those who view things negatively (Nelson et al., 2020).
These findings do not fully explain why some couples manage to remain connected even when faced with traumatic experiences. In this article, I will explore how couples can build and maintain intimacy despite trauma-related fluctuations.
One important factor contributing to resilience is emotional regulation. Couples need to be able to manage their own feelings and reactions in order to stay emotionally available for one another during difficult times. This involves learning healthy coping mechanisms, such as deep breathing, mindfulness meditation, exercise, or journaling. Emotions like anger, fear, and sadness can overwhelm us if we don't have ways to process them productively. By practicing self-care techniques, partners can ensure they are calm enough to listen to each other's needs without being triggered by strong emotions. When it comes to managing stress, couples should avoid blaming each other or getting caught up in negative thought spirals, which only fuel distance and tension. Instead, they can focus on problem-solving together, express gratitude for each other, and seek professional help if needed.
Another way couples can promote resilience is by cultivating a sense of purpose and meaning in their lives. Having a shared goal or project outside of the relationship can provide a sense of direction and motivation, especially when life feels chaotic or uncertain. Research has shown that people who feel a sense of purpose are more likely to cope effectively with adversity (Hill et al., 2019).
Volunteering, traveling, or pursuing hobbies together can create opportunities for new experiences and growth. It is also essential to communicate openly about values and priorities, so both partners understand what matters most to the other person. This enables each partner to support the other through difficult periods without losing sight of what makes life worth living.
Couples need to maintain regular connection and intimacy despite trauma-related fluctuations. Intimacy involves sharing thoughts, feelings, and vulnerabilities without judgment or criticism. Couples can do this through conversations, touch, physical affection, and sexual activity. The key is to be present and attentive to one another's needs, even when life feels unpredictable or overwhelming. By focusing on the positive aspects of their relationship, such as appreciation, humor, and fun, partners can strengthen their bond and build resilience against external stressors. Moreover, by engaging in healthy communication patterns, like active listening and validating each other's perspectives, couples can resolve conflicts constructively instead of letting them fester.
Building and maintaining intimacy despite trauma-related fluctuations requires emotional regulation, a shared sense of purpose, and intentional effort towards cultivating closeness. These strategies can help couples stay connected during challenging times, foster growth and learning, and prevent small problems from becoming major obstacles.
It takes time, patience, and commitment to develop these skills, which means practicing self-awareness, compassion, and empathy daily.
The ability to bounce back from adversity together depends on how well partners understand each other's individual needs and work together to address them.
References:
Hill, P., Turiano, N., & Hagestad, G. O. (2019). Purpose in life predicts better psychological adjustment to traumatic events: A 3-wave panel study among US veterans. Psychiatry Research, 274, 186–193. https://doi.org/10.1016/j.psychres.2018.09.025
Metzger, J. L., & Hagestad, G. O. (2018). The influence of religious beliefs and coping styles on marital satisfaction after a child's death. Journal of Marriage and Family, 80(1), 135–153. https://doi.org/10.11111/jomf.124508
Nelson, K. M., Zhang, W., & Segrin, C. (2020). Future orientation and relationship quality in late adulthood: The roles of optimism and resilience. Personality and Individual Differences, 158, 1098725. https://doi.org/10.1016/j.paid.2019.1098725
In what ways do couples maintain satisfaction with trauma-related fluctuations?
There are several strategies that couples can employ to maintain satisfaction despite trauma-related fluctuations. Firstly, it is important for couples to communicate openly and honestly about their experiences and feelings during traumatic events. This allows them to process their emotions together and support each other through difficult times.