The topic is very important for all who have served their country and are now struggling to find intimacy. Many people can understand what it feels like to be distant from your partner due to stressful circumstances. The challenge is to create a connection afterward. Intimacy is more than just physical; it's mental, emotional, and spiritual too. It's about being vulnerable and sharing life together with someone you love unconditionally. When former service members reestablish personal rhythms that support closeness, they begin to feel closer again. Here are four steps to make this happen.
1. Recognize old patterns. Service members learn how to suppress feelings of fear, anger, sadness, anxiety, etc., which might affect intimacy later on. They may also experience post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD) symptoms, such as flashbacks or nightmares, that can cause relationship problems. Identify these issues so that both partners can work on them separately before coming back together.
2. Take care of yourself. Start by prioritizing self-care, including healthy food choices, exercise, sleep hygiene, and meditation/relaxation techniques. This way, you'll have more energy for communication with your spouse and won't project negativity into the relationship. Learn how to communicate your needs clearly without blaming or attacking your partner. Be open to learning new ways of expressing affection and romance.
3. Set boundaries around sex. If you're not ready yet, let your partner know. Pornography use is common among veterans but can lead to addiction. Sexual addiction leads to isolation, shame, guilt, depression, and other negative consequences. Talk about what feels good and comfortable for each person in the bedroom; explore new activities like massage therapy or role play. Don't pressure your partner to do anything they don't want to do.
4. Work through conflicts together. Couples who argue often say it helps their relationships grow stronger over time. But too much arguing can damage trust and respect. Try a different approach: focus on understanding instead of winning an argument. Listen carefully, ask questions, try to see things from your partner's perspective, and avoid defensiveness at all costs. Use humor when possible, even during serious discussions.
The key is to be patient while going through this process. It may take months or years before former service members feel close again with their partners. Trust and intimacy are delicate things that need nurturing every day. Keep working on yourselves as individuals and come back together only when ready. Remember that love isn't always easy but worth fighting for!
How do former service members reestablish personal rhythms that support closeness?
The transition from military life back to civilian life is difficult for many veterans due to various reasons including culture shock, adjusting to new roles, and managing complex emotions. Reestablishing personal rhythms that support closeness with family and friends may help them navigate this change more smoothly by providing structure and stability during this time of transition.