To explain this phenomenon, it is essential to understand that most people who have experienced trauma are likely to feel vulnerable when they enter into new relationships. This vulnerability can be an overwhelming feeling for them since it reminds them of their past traumatic experiences. Therefore, many veterans find it difficult to trust others, making it challenging for them to open up and share personal details about themselves, including their feelings and desires.
Some veterans may have developed certain coping mechanisms such as avoidance, distancing, denial, or emotional numbing during combat, which they continue using even after returning home. These defense mechanisms help them manage their anxiety and fear but also prevent them from experiencing intimacy.
Some veterans may avoid intimate relationships because they believe that getting close to someone could lead to rejection or abandonment, just like what happened to them during combat.
Another reason why some veterans avoid intimacy is due to the belief that they do not deserve love or attention. They might see themselves as damaged goods or unworthy of receiving affection, leading them to keep people at a distance emotionally.
Some veterans may fear that revealing their true selves will result in judgment or criticism from loved ones, causing them further damage. As a result, they tend to suppress their needs, wants, or desires rather than express them honestly.
Some veterans may engage in self-destructive behaviors such as substance abuse or self-harm to cope with their emotions. These behaviors often isolate them further and make it more challenging to connect with others. In other cases, veterans may use sexual activity as a means of escaping from reality or numbing their pain.
This strategy can create problems when used excessively, leading to addiction or risky behavior.
To address these issues, therapy can be an effective way for veterans to work through their trauma and develop healthier coping mechanisms. Counselors can help them explore their past experiences, identify patterns in their behavior, and learn new skills to regulate their emotions. They can also assist them in establishing meaningful connections with others by helping them understand their needs and desires better.
Support groups can provide valuable insight into the experiences of other veterans who have gone through similar situations.
Many veterans experience difficulties in intimate relationships because of their traumatic experiences during combat. Fear, vulnerability, self-doubt, shame, and guilt are all contributing factors that prevent them from connecting with others on an intimate level. To overcome these obstacles, veterans must seek professional help and find ways to express themselves without fear of rejection or judgment. With time, patience, and effort, they can build lasting relationships based on trust, respect, and love.
What internal mechanisms cause some veterans to avoid intimacy as a means of controlling fear and vulnerability?
Some veterans may avoid intimacy as a way to control their feelings of fear and vulnerability due to trauma experienced during their time in service. According to psychologist Bessel van der Kolk, traumatic events can create long-term changes in the brain that make it difficult for individuals to regulate their emotions and form secure attachments with others (van der Kolk, 2015).