Many people have "default fantasies" recurring sexual scenarios they return to. This is normal behavior. Everyone has them. Your brain stores your default fantasies as a way to help you relax and focus, just like a song you enjoy listening to that helps you concentrate while working on a task. However, sometimes these fantasies are problematic because they can become all-consuming and cause shame, guilt, or embarrassment. Here's what to do about it. Step one: Identify and describe your default fantasy(ies) in detail. Imagine yourself acting out this scenario vividly. What would your body feel like? How would your mind react? Where is the setting? Who else is there? Step two: Examine why this fantasy is attractive. For example, does it include something you want but don't currently have in real life, such as power or submission? Does it provide a sense of release from stress? Is it an escape from everyday reality? Once you know why, examine if it really makes you happy or if it serves some other purpose. Step three: Talk to someone about it. Find a trusted friend, therapist, or counselor who will understand and not judge you for your desires. Explain how you feel about them and work through any issues together. You may find that sharing relieves some of the anxiety around them. Step four: Try changing your fantasy. If you're stuck in a rut, imagine altering it slightly each time until you create new ones with more variety. Maybe add different people or locations, try non-sexual scenarios (like a dance party), or switch up the roles. This exercise can help rewire your brain towards healthier habits over time. Step five: Reframe your thoughts. Remind yourself often that sex isn't just for pleasure it's also for connection and intimacy. Realize that even "weird" things are normal and natural, so don't be afraid to explore them safely. Remember that what turns you on doesn't define who you are; instead, focus on being true to yourself and expressing your desires without shame. By taking these steps, you can free yourself from default fantasies and enjoy healthy sexual exploration.
To conclude, remember that everyone has default fantasies and they aren't inherently bad. However, pay attention to how they make you feel and actively seek ways to change if needed. With open communication and self-reflection, you can move beyond them into a healthy, fulfilling sex life.