Sexual avoidance is the act of abstaining from sexual activity that may include intercourse, kissing, touching, viewing pornography, masturbating, and/or any form of sexual exploration. It can be conscious, intentional, and deliberate, but it can also be unconscious and involuntary due to physical, emotional, psychological, spiritual, and cultural factors. This behavior can occur temporarily or permanently and can manifest differently among individuals. Trauma survivors have been found to engage in various types of sexual avoidance behaviors for various reasons, some of which are adaptive while others are maladaptive. The current article addresses the adaptability of sexual avoidance for trauma survivors.
When traumatic experiences occur, they alter brain chemistry and cause neurological changes that affect cognitive functions such as learning, memory, attention, perception, decision making, and emotion regulation. These effects are long lasting and often require extensive healing processes. During this healing process, many people choose to avoid sexual contact because it may trigger painful memories, anxiety, fear, shame, anger, guilt, confusion, depression, and other negative feelings associated with their trauma. Research shows that these feelings make sex unappealing and even frightening for them, so they intentionally refrain from it. Sexual avoidance helps them cope with past trauma by preventing flashbacks and maintaining stability until recovery.
Sexual avoidance becomes a problem when it causes harm or disrupts relationships.
If an individual's partner expects to have intimacy daily or weekly, yet they are unable to provide it, it could create tension and mistrust. It is essential to address sexual needs and desires openly and honestly before entering into any relationship. When partners understand each other's boundaries and limitations, they will not feel rejected or abandoned, leading to healthy communication and emotional fulfillment. If one partner does not respect the other's boundaries, then they should seek professional help to learn how to improve their relationship skills and find solutions together.
Sexual avoidance can be adaptive for trauma survivors who need time to recover, but it must never be used as a coping mechanism indefinitely. Everyone deserves to be loved, desired, cherished, and understood, regardless of their traumatic history. Trauma therapists can offer guidance on how to manage and reduce triggers while also helping clients explore their sexuality safely and freely. They teach self-awareness and mindfulness exercises that allow individuals to identify and process thoughts and feelings without judgment.
Can sexual avoidance be adaptive for trauma survivors?
Sexual avoidance can be adaptive for some trauma survivors because it is a defense mechanism that helps them cope with painful memories and feelings associated with their past experiences. Avoidance allows individuals to feel safe from further harm by limiting exposure to triggers and potential re-traumatization. It also provides an outlet for processing difficult emotions and can help establish boundaries between themselves and others.