Despite the societal shift toward normalizing open discussions about sexuality and desire, many people still struggle with negative self-talk when it comes to their own desires. This can lead to feelings of shame, guilt, and even lowered self-esteem that make it difficult to enjoy sex without fear or doubt. In this article, we will explore how to build back your sexual confidence after experiencing judgement or criticism around your desires. We will also discuss strategies for challenging negative thoughts and increasing comfort with your body and your needs. First Step: Identify Your Desire
To begin rebuilding your sexual confidence, you must start by acknowledging what exactly it is that makes you feel less confident. If you have been criticized or judged for certain desires, it's important to identify them so that you can work through any underlying beliefs or insecurities. Take some time to reflect on what you want from your partner(s) during intimacy. Consider writing down your desires or talking to someone who understands and respects them. Once you have identified your desire(s), try to approach them with curiosity instead of judgment. Second Step: Challenging Negative Thoughts
Negative self-talk can be a major barrier to enjoying intimacy, but it doesn't have to be permanent. To challenge these thoughts, practice reframing them in a more positive light. For example, if you tell yourself "I shouldn't like BDSM because it's wrong," try replacing that statement with something like "BDSM isn't necessarily right or wrong - it just feels good to me." This helps shift the focus away from external validation and toward personal preference. Additionally, try practicing mindfulness meditation techniques or journaling about your desires to increase self-awareness and acceptance. Third Step: Exploring Sexual Fantasies
Many people find it difficult to explore their fantasies because they are afraid of being judged or misunderstood. However, exploring fantasy can help build confidence and improve communication with partners. Try sharing a safe and consensual fantasy with your partner(s) to open up conversations about intimate desires. If possible, roleplay scenarios that align with your fantasy to enhance the experience and create a sense of safety. Remember that fantasies don't need to be acted out to be valid; simply discussing them can lead to greater understanding between partners. Fourth Step: Increasing Comfort With Your Body
Body image issues can also contribute to sexual insecurities. Take time to appreciate your body for what it is rather than what it should be. Practice affirmations such as "My body is beautiful" or "I am enough" to counteract negative beliefs about weight, shape, age, or appearance. You may also want to work with a therapist or coach who specializes in body image to address any underlying anxieties or trauma related to your physical appearance. Finally, engage in self-care activities like exercise, nutrition, and self-massage to boost endorphins and promote overall wellbeing. Final Thoughts
Remember that everyone has unique sexual desires, and there is no "right" way to enjoy sex. By challenging negative thoughts, exploring fantasies, and building comfort with your body, you can rebuild your sexual confidence after experiencing criticism or judgment around your desires.