How to Deal With Embarrassment Around Sexual Desires
Describing your sexual desires can be difficult. You may feel embarrassed about them, especially if they are unusual, unconventional, unexpected, or taboo. But you shouldn't have to hide your sexuality because it is natural and healthy. Here is how to deal with embarrassment around sexual desires:
1. Accept that your desires are valid. Your desires are a part of who you are. They do not make you bad, wrong, evil, shameful, weird, dirty, or perverted. Everyone has their own unique desires; yours are simply different from others'. The point of sexual desire is pleasure, not judgment. What matters is consent between partners.
2. Think about why you're embarrassed. Maybe it's fear of rejection, disapproval, misunderstanding, or ridicule. Maybe you're ashamed of something you don't want other people to know about you. Or maybe you just lack confidence or experience. Whatever the reason for your embarrassment, acknowledge it. Identifying the root causes will help you overcome them.
3. Talk to someone you trust. Opening up to a friend or family member can be helpful. You might find support and encouragement. They might share similar experiences or give advice. If you prefer anonymity, consider online forums or therapy. Professional counselors understand privacy concerns.
4. Don't rush into disclosure. Revealing your secrets too soon could ruin relationships. Wait until you trust someone enough to talk honestly without fear of judgement. Keep in mind that revealing sexual desires isn't like telling someone about your religion or political beliefs; it involves vulnerability and intimacy. Be prepared for negative responses before sharing.
5. Consider how to disclose your desires. Start with non-sexual topics first. Then move on to lesser taboos (e.g., BDSM). Lastly, talk about what you actually want sexually. This approach helps build trust, avoids shock value, and allows discussion of any concerns. It also gives you more control over the conversation.
6. Practice self-care. Exercise, meditate, read positive affirmations, set boundaries, and prioritize sleep/nutrition. Negative emotions can undermine confidence and self-worth. Healthy habits promote physical health, mental wellbeing, and resilience. Use them to manage anxiety, stress, and shame.
7. Seek out erotic resources. Reading books, watching movies, listening to podcasts, or joining clubs can help normalize your desires. Find role models who embrace their kinks, explore fantasies safely, or discuss taboo topics openly. Learn from others, experiment, and discover new things.
8. Remember that everyone is different. Different people have different preferences, backgrounds, experiences, and values. What might be unacceptable to one person could be perfectly fine to another. Don't judge yourself by other people's standards. Accept that some partners may not share your interests. You are not alone in your sexuality.
9. Respect your partner's boundaries. Communicate clearly and respectfully. If they reject your advances or ask for changes, accept it gracefully. Ask how they feel and why they want certain things. Try compromising instead of demanding. Consider rejection as an opportunity to learn and improve your communication skills.
10. Focus on pleasure, not performance. Sex isn't a test or competition; it's about mutual satisfaction. Emphasize intimacy over technique. Be present, responsive, patient, caring, and understanding. Let go of fear or expectations. Experiment with new positions, sensations, or scenarios, but don't pressure anyone into anything.
Dealing with embarrassment around sexual desires takes time, effort, and self-awareness. Start small, listen carefully, and communicate honestly. With patience and practice, you can overcome your insecurities and find fulfillment in your sexuality.
How do I deal with embarrassment around sexual desires or fantasies?
Embarrassment about one's sexual desires or fantasies is a common experience for many individuals, regardless of their gender identity, age, ethnicity, or cultural background. It can arise from feeling ashamed, anxious, or fearful about expressing them openly or even acknowledging them privately.