When it comes to navigating sexual communication within relationships, many couples face challenges that can be particularly difficult for those who have experienced trauma. Whether you've been through an abusive relationship, suffered from childhood neglect, or are still dealing with the aftermath of sexual assault, expressing your desires and needs around sex can feel impossible. In fact, a study published in the Journal of Consulting and Clinical Psychology found that survivors of sexual trauma were more likely to experience sexual difficulties than their peers who hadn't been victims. So how do couples negotiate sexual communication when these complex emotions are involved? Here are some strategies to try.
Strategies to consider
One strategy is to focus on building trust and safety before diving into explicit conversations about what turns you on.
You might start by sharing non-sexual things that you enjoy doing together - like cooking dinner or going for walks - so that you both begin to build a foundation of mutual care and respect. Then, as you become more comfortable discussing intimate topics, you can gradually move into more specific ones related to sex. Another strategy is to use "I" statements instead of "you" statements when communicating about your desires and discomforts during sex. Instead of saying something like "You always want it too fast," try saying "I would love it if we could take our time." This helps avoid blame and makes it easier for your partner to understand where you're coming from.
Try to create a safe space for open communication by setting boundaries and being willing to listen without judgment.
You could say something like "It's important for me to know that I won't be shamed or criticized if I share my thoughts on this topic." By following these strategies, you can help ensure that your relationship stays healthy even when dealing with the challenges of trauma.
Sexual communication in relationships can be tricky enough on its own, but when trauma is involved, it becomes even more complicated.
There are still ways to navigate these complex emotions and find a path towards greater intimacy and fulfillment. Whether you practice building trust and safety first, use "I" statements instead of "you" statements, or establish clear boundaries, you can work together to overcome any obstacles and create a stronger connection.
How do couples negotiate sexual communication when trauma complicates direct expression of desire or discomfort?
Communication is important in any relationship but it can be particularly challenging for couples who have experienced traumatic events. Trauma can affect how people feel about themselves and their bodies, making them more vulnerable to shame, embarrassment, fear, or anxiety surrounding intimacy and sex. It can also lead to difficulties with trust, boundaries, and self-esteem, which can make it difficult to communicate openly and honestly with a partner.