The idea that trauma can cause emotional disconnection is well-known.
It's less commonly discussed how returning to normalcy after a crisis may be just as challenging for some people because of the emotions they feel while they were experiencing extreme stress. Emotional bonds can form quickly during periods of intense difficulty, but these bonds are often unstable and fragile. When things return to normal, it can be difficult to reintegrate into everyday life without feeling like there was something missing - a special connection. This article explores why this happens and what to do about it.
The science behind emotional connections formed under extreme stress
When humans experience fear or danger, their bodies go into survival mode. Adrenaline surges through the body, preparing muscles for action. The heart races, breathing quickens, and thoughts narrow down to the present moment. In these moments, adrenaline helps us react quickly and decisively to threats. Our brain also releases dopamine, which gives us feelings of pleasure. These hormones help us cope by making us feel alive, alert, awake, and capable.
Emotions run high when we're in danger, so our brains release more neurotransmitters than usual. This includes endorphins, which reduce pain and increase feelings of euphoria. If someone is with us during this time, they could become part of our 'fight or flight' response. We bond with them emotionally because they make us feel safe, secure, and cared for. It's easy to confuse this sense of security with a deeper connection when the threat has passed.
Why returning to safety challenges emotional connections
Reintegration after trauma can be tricky because it requires letting go of an artificially heightened state of being. Normalcy no longer feels as exciting or fulfilling compared to the intense rush of survival mode. When things return to normal, people may feel disconnected from others who aren't experiencing similar levels of excitement. They may feel like something special was missing, even if the relationship wasn't healthy before.
To cope with this feeling, some individuals seek out new relationships that are similarly intense. Others turn to drugs or alcohol, hoping to recreate the same chemical rush without a partner. Some withdraw entirely, unwilling to risk getting hurt again. All these behaviors reflect how much we crave the intensity of our past experiences.
How to process emotional connections formed under extreme stress
It can take time to process the impact of traumatic events, especially if they were prolonged or severe. It's important to give yourself space and time to grieve what you lost - whether that means mourning a close friend, moving on from an unhealthy romantic relationship, or recovering from addiction. Seek professional help if needed. Allow yourself to feel all your feelings, including anger, sadness, guilt, frustration, and fear.
Looking back at your life helps put the experience in perspective. Focus on what worked well for you during this period, and incorporate those qualities into your current life. Practice self-care activities that promote relaxation and regulation. Find ways to connect with others who understand your experiences.
The importance of emotional connection
Emotional bonds are complex and powerful. Understanding them is essential for building healthy relationships. When someone feels disconnected after returning to safety, it may be because they miss the heightened state of being from their previous experience.
There's no need to repeat that experience by seeking out danger or artificial stimulants. Instead, learn to appreciate what makes you unique and special. Surround yourself with people who support you emotionally and respect your boundaries. Take care of yourself physically and mentally so you can be present for those around you. Remember that emotions are fleeting; seek connection in a way that feels authentic and fulfilling for you.
How does returning to safety challenge emotional connections formed under extreme stress?
Returning to safety after experiencing extreme stress can lead to feelings of disconnection from those who were present during the event. This is because individuals may feel that their experiences are unique and may struggle to find common ground with others who did not go through the same trauma. Additionally, returning to a familiar environment can highlight the changes that have occurred due to the stressor, which can make it difficult for individuals to reconcile their past and present selves.