You may think you must "fix" yourself first before someone else will want to be close to you. And yet, that is an unrealistic expectation. No one expects to get loved because they're perfect.
People tend to love each other based on who they are—not who they wish to become. If you're having trouble getting closer to your partner without changing anything about yourself, then this guide might help. Here's why healing doesn't mean abandoning touch.
Many self-help books tell you that healthy relationships depend on fixing oneself. This is true but it ignores a key component: emotional safety.
If you have body image issues, you might feel unsafe being touched.
Receiving sensual touch from a loving partner can help you see that your body is beautiful just as it is.
When you trust someone to hold you and kiss you despite your flaws, this helps build intimacy. And intimacy leads to more sexual connection. So it's not always necessary to change before getting close again. You just need to take time to explore new ways of connecting with your lover.
If you find yourself craving touch when healing, try these ideas for staying close while growing:
1. Explore non-sexual physical contact. When we're lonely or sick, we long for simple human connection. Start by seeking out hugs, hand-holding, cuddling, and massages with your partner. These show affection without pressure for sex. Remember: intimacy comes first in any relationship.
2. Share what you like (or dislike) about the experience. Talking openly creates closeness, even during times of hardship. Tell them where you want their hands to go, how much pressure to use, and whether or not you want a certain kind of touch. Be honest and specific so they know exactly what works best for you.
3. Avoid judgmental language. Instead of saying "I don't deserve love" or "No one could ever accept me," affirm how much your partner loves and values you. This shows vulnerability and builds security. Remind them why you matter to each other so they feel safe enough to pursue pleasure together.
4. Practice self-compassion. If body issues arise during intimacy, remind yourself that you are still worthy of being touched. It doesn't mean there's anything wrong with you if someone finds something unattractive—we all have parts we prefer to hide! Forgive yourself for past mistakes and focus on what makes you unique instead.
5. Try new positions. Maybe you usually top but today you want bottom? Or maybe you only kiss at night but now want daytime makeouts? Exploring different sensual pleasures encourages mutual growth while keeping things exciting. You can both learn something new from each other!
6. Seek professional help. Sometimes trauma or addiction affect our ability to connect. When these problems persist, seek therapy or support groups for healing before jumping into physical intimacy again. Professional help is essential when struggling with mental health issues such as anxiety or depression.
7. Take breaks. If things get too intense during sex or just aren't working out, take a break. Don't push through discomfort in order to please your partner; instead, give space until both parties are comfortable again. Remember: communication is key throughout the entire process.
By accepting where you are right now—without shame or guilt—you invite deeper love into your life. You don't need to "fix" yourself first—just keep exploring with an open mind and heart. You deserve affection even though it may not come perfectly packaged up like you imagined.