How do I rebuild sexual confidence after past trauma or abuse?
Learning how to be comfortable with your body and sexuality is an essential part of being human. However, when you've experienced sexual trauma or abuse, it can feel like these parts of yourself are damaged beyond repair. Fortunately, there are many ways to regain your sexual confidence after experiencing trauma or abuse. Here are some steps you can take.
1. Recognize that healing takes time. Rebuilding sexual confidence doesn't happen overnight - it may take weeks, months, or even years. You may need therapy to work through your emotions related to your experience, which will help you move forward.
2. Know that you deserve pleasure. Abusers often try to make their victims believe they don't deserve pleasure, especially sexual pleasure. But this is false! Pleasure is something everyone deserves, whether they have been abused or not.
3. Be patient with yourself. Don't expect to feel ready for sex right away; instead, focus on taking things slow and enjoying small pleasures along the way. Talk to your partner about what feels good and what doesn't.
4. Find ways to relax. Stress reduces your libido, so finding ways to unwind before sex (like a warm bath) can boost your arousal.
5. Communicate clearly with your partner. Tell them about your boundaries and preferences before engaging in any intimate activity, but also let them know if anything makes you uncomfortable during sex. A good relationship should always be based on trust and respect.
6. Focus on self-care activities that make you feel sexy and powerful. These could include getting a massage, wearing lingerie, doing yoga, or going for a run.
7. Remember that you don't need anyone else's approval to enjoy sex. It's okay to do what turns you on without worrying about how others perceive it.
8. Be willing to try new things. Exploring different positions, locations, or partners can give you confidence to discover what works best for you.
9. Seek out support from loved ones. Letting people close to you know what happened may help you heal emotionally and find support when needed.
10. Practice self-love every day. You deserve love, compassion, and care, even after trauma. Start by treating yourself kindly and recognizing all your wonderful qualities.