When it comes to sex, being fully present for your partner matters more than having any specific technical skills. It can help you stay focused on what really matters during intimate moments, deepen the connection between partners, and create an environment where both parties feel safe to express themselves freely. Here's how to develop this crucial skill:
Presence means that you are completely engaged in the moment, focusing all of your attention on your partner and their needs. To practice presence, try setting aside distractions like phones or TV before engaging in intimate activity. If you need some help getting into the right mindset, try taking a few deep breaths or meditating together.
Attunement is about paying close attention to your partner's body language and nonverbal cues. Notice how they respond to different touches, movements, and positions, and adjust accordingly. This helps create a sense of safety and trust, allowing them to open up more fully.
When you breathe deeply, you send oxygen to all parts of your body, including your sexual organs. Take slow, steady breaths to relax and focus your energy on the sensations. Experiment with different rhythms and patterns to find what feels best for you and your partner.
The Body Feels When You're There—or When You're Just Performing
Pay attention to your own physical reactions as well as your partner's. Try noticing when certain movements or positions feel pleasurable or uncomfortable, and communicate this information to your partner. This creates a feedback loop that encourages deeper exploration and experimentation.
Practice being present and attentive with your partner by setting aside time each week to connect without any other demands or distractions. This could be anything from going on a walk together to cooking dinner or simply having a conversation.
By prioritizing presence over technique, you can create an atmosphere where both partners feel seen, heard, and valued. It takes practice and patience, but it's worth investing in for a stronger connection between yourself and your loved one.