Relationships are dynamic systems that involve reciprocal exchanges between partners who share feelings, needs, values, goals, plans, memories, thoughts, and actions. While each relationship is unique to its participants, there are some common features and challenges that they must navigate together. One such challenge is dealing with unmet expectations within the relationship, which can lead to disconnection, anger, sadness, disappointment, anxiety, frustration, resentment, shame, or even fear. When these emotions arise, it's important for individuals to cultivate resilience so they can cope effectively and maintain their overall wellbeing. Here are five internal practices that promote resilience when expectations in relationships are unmet:
1. Acceptance - Recognizing that life does not always go according to plan and that things don't always work out as desired is key to building resilience. When faced with unmet expectations, it's easy to blame ourselves or others, but this usually doesn't help resolve the issue. Instead of getting caught up in what might have been different if certain circumstances had occurred differently, practice accepting reality as it is and working towards finding solutions together.
2. Flexibility - Relationships require flexibility because no two people will agree on everything all the time. Being flexible means being willing to compromise, negotiate, and adapt to your partner's needs without losing sight of your own. This requires listening carefully, communicating openly, and staying calm during conflict.
3. Empathy - Listening to your partner's perspective and understanding where they're coming from helps you build empathy, which can make navigating disagreements much easier. Ask questions about why your partner feels a certain way and try to see things from their point of view. This shows that you care about their feelings and want to find common ground.
4. Self-care - Taking care of yourself physically, mentally, emotionally, and spiritually is essential for resilience. Engage in activities that bring you joy and fulfillment outside of the relationship, such as exercise, hobbies, meditation, art, music, nature, community service, etc. This keeps you feeling balanced and able to respond positively when challenges arise within the partnership.
5. Trust - Establishing trust in the relationship takes effort over time through consistent behaviors like honesty, reliability, kindness, respect, loyalty, accountability, support, and commitment. Without trust, relationships cannot thrive. When expectations are unmet, work on building or rebuilding trust by taking responsibility for mistakes and demonstrating dependability.
What internal practices promote resilience when expectations in relationships are unmet?
Resilience is the ability to adapt to challenging situations and maintain well-being despite setbacks. In interpersonal relationships where expectations are not met, individuals can practice several strategies that promote resilience. One such strategy is to recognize the situation as temporary and focus on finding ways to reframe it positively. This involves identifying factors outside of one's control and accepting them while focusing on what is within their power to change.