After experiencing sexual trauma, many people find it challenging to regain their sense of self-esteem and feel comfortable being intimate again. In this article, I will discuss strategies that can help you restore your sexual desire and confidence while remaining safe and healthy.
Establish safety. It is crucial for healing from any type of trauma to create a secure environment where you feel safe enough to explore yourself physically and emotionally. This means having honest communication with potential partners about boundaries, desires, needs, and limits. You might also consider engaging in nonsexual activities such as hiking or yoga together before initiating more intimate encounters.
Setting up rules and routines around touching and consent can support a positive dynamic between you and your partner(s).
Connect with your body. Trauma often causes physical symptoms like muscle tension or pain, which may make sex uncomfortable or even impossible. Yoga, massage, meditation, and other relaxation techniques are effective ways to alleviate these feelings and become attuned to how your body responds during sex. Remember, there's no rush; take time getting used to touch and sensation without judgment or shame. With time, you can learn to enjoy physical closeness once more.
Redefine what sex means for you. After trauma, some individuals may not identify with their pre-traumatic definitions of sex, romance, or relationships. Exploring new perspectives on pleasure, arousal, and connection can open doors to novel experiences and intimacy. Consider roleplay, kink, fantasy, masturbation, or other forms of solo or coupled exploration that align with your values. Seek out resources like books, articles, and videos that challenge your assumptions about sexuality. Talk candidly with partners about what turns you on and off, including preferences and desires.
Seek professional help if needed. A therapist or counselor can guide you through processing trauma, addressing past or present abuse, and overcoming barriers to healing. Therapy also provides an opportunity to examine cultural messages and power dynamics around gender roles, race, class, and age that influence our approach to sex. By working through underlying issues, we can cultivate healthier, more fulfilling connections in all areas of life.
How can individuals restore sexual desire and confidence after experiencing relational or sexual trauma?
One way for individuals to regain sexual desire and confidence after experiencing relational or sexual trauma is by engaging in self-care activities that promote overall well-being. Self-care activities may include exercise, meditation, journaling, therapy, and other relaxation techniques that help reduce stress levels and improve mood.