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SEXUAL DESIRES: THE DIFFERENCE BETWEEN WANTS AND NEEDS IN INTIMATE RELATIONSHIPS

3 min read Queer

Desires for Growth versus Guilt

What are desires? They are an innate urge to act upon a need. But what defines them as inspirations for progress or sources of shame? It all depends on how they're processed. To begin with, there is a distinction between intrinsic needs and extrinsic ones. Intrinsic needs can be defined as those which arise from within ourselves - for instance, thirst or hunger. Extrinsic needs stem from external factors such as social norms, peer pressure or cultural expectations - like the desire to have material possessions or high-paying jobs. The former come naturally while the latter have to be cultivated through conscious effort. Hence, when it comes to processing these two types of desires differently, individuals must take into account their own values and belief systems.

Someone who prioritizes health may see the need for exercise as essential but view chocolate cravings merely as temptation. Conversely, someone who places importance on appearances might feel guilty about indulging in junk food despite enjoying its taste. When it comes to sex and sexuality, individuals have different approaches towards gratification based on cultural and personal beliefs. Some embrace sexual desires without feeling ashamed while others suppress them because of societal taboos around intimacy. Therefore, it becomes crucial to identify one's core values and determine whether a particular desire aligns with them before acting upon it.

Examples of Inspirational vs. Shameful Desires

When examining this topic further, we can explore several examples wherein certain desires are seen as growth-oriented versus others that lead to guilt. One such case is education; having an appetite for knowledge often leads to self-growth whereas succumbing to laziness does not promote development. Another illustration could be pursuing a career path that brings fulfillment rather than just earning money.

Engaging in recreational activities like sports, hobbies or traveling provides joy and excitement compared to compulsive behaviors like gambling which only bring short-term pleasure but no meaningful gain. With regards to relationships, intimacy builds strong bonds between partners, whereas infidelity breaks trust and destroys connections.

Creativity enhances skills and improves problem-solving abilities, whereas procrastination undermines productivity and leads to frustration. By understanding the difference between inspirational desires that motivate us forward and shameful ones that hold us back, people can take steps toward achieving their aspirations while avoiding feelings of remorse.

Processing these two types of desires differently requires individuals to reflect on their own values and beliefs about what inspires progress versus provokes guilt. Embracing intrinsic needs without feeling guilty allows for healthy personal growth while suppressing extrinsic urges encourages contentment with one's current state. In the world of sex and sexuality, it's essential to acknowledge desires without judging them - whether they align with cultural norms or not.

Recognizing our motivations and acting accordingly helps us attain happiness through purposeful living.

How do individuals process the difference between desires that inspire growth and desires that provoke guilt?

Despite their seemingly distinct outcomes, researchers have found that desires for personal growth and development and desires that promote guilt can share similar underlying cognitive processes. In particular, both types of desires may arise from internal motivations or external pressures and can be linked to an individual's sense of self-worth.

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