Sexual boundaries are guidelines that establish what is and isn't acceptable behavior for one person during their romantic or sexual relationship with another person. They can be physical or emotional limits, such as preferences regarding kissing, touching, or being touched, where someone wants to stop.
It may take time and effort to become comfortable communicating about these issues, but doing so will improve your intimate life. Here are tips to help you.
1. Be honest and specific.
When setting sexual boundaries, it helps to be clear and straightforward. Let your partner know what you feel good about and how they can support those feelings. For example, "I love when you hold my hand during dinner" or "Please don't talk dirty to me." If possible, share this early on in the relationship, before things get physical.
2. Listen carefully.
If your partner expresses discomfort with something you do, listen without judgment and consider why they might feel that way. Maybe it wasn't clear from your body language that you were interested in doing more than cuddling, or perhaps you didn't ask enough questions about their comfort level with certain activities.
3. Respect differences of opinion.
You may have different opinions about sex than your partner does. That doesn't mean either of you is wrong; it just means you have different perspectives. When discussing your needs and desires, validate each other by acknowledging validity and not trying to convince them otherwise.
4. Reevaluate your boundaries over time.
Your boundaries may change depending on your mood or context. Feel free to renegotiate them if necessary. You can also adjust them based on feedback from your partner. For instance, maybe after a night out drinking, one partner isn't as enthusiastic about kissing or sex as usual. It's okay to suggest taking it slow instead of pressuring for more intimacy.
5. Keep an open mind.
Sexual boundaries are not set in stone. Sometimes people surprise themselves with new preferences or experiences. Try exploring new things together while respecting established limits. With care and communication, you can explore sexual pleasure and connection safely and healthily.
By honoring your boundaries, you'll both have positive relationships that build trust, intimacy, and satisfaction.