Erotic Shame Isn't Natural, It's Inherited
You weren't born ashamed of your body. You were taught to fear it. Pleasure is reclaiming what culture has taken away from you.
When it comes to sex, sexuality, intimacy, and pleasure, there are some deeply rooted beliefs that can be passed down through generations. These beliefs often lead to shame around our bodies and our experiences, which can have lasting effects on our relationships, self-esteem, and overall well-being. Erotic shame isn't natural – it's inherited. We aren't born with this feeling; rather, it's something we learn from the people around us throughout our lives.
Unlearning what society has told us about our bodies takes time and effort, but it's possible. By recognizing the roots of erotic shame, understanding how it affects us, and learning to challenge those beliefs, we can begin to heal ourselves and reconnect with our bodies in a healthy way. The journey towards reclaiming pleasure begins with recognizing where we've been hurt and acknowledging that it was never our fault.
Shame is an uncomfortable feeling of humiliation or distress caused by the consciousness of wrongdoing or shortcoming. When it comes to sex and our bodies, we may experience shame because of societal messages telling us we should feel embarrassed about certain aspects of our physical selves. This can include everything from body size, shape, color, and texture to gender identity, sexual orientation, age, and more. Shame can also arise when we engage in pleasurable activities deemed taboo by society, such as masturbation, pornography, kinks/fetishes, and other forms of exploration.
Society teaches us that our bodies are supposed to look and act a certain way and that any deviation from this norm is shameful. We learn to feel ashamed of the things that make us unique, which leads to feelings of isolation, disconnection, and self-hatred. This shame often becomes internalized, leading to a negative view of oneself and one's experiences. It can prevent us from exploring our bodies and desires fully and experiencing true intimacy in relationships.
Healing from Erotic Shame
The process of healing from erotic shame starts with acknowledgment and awareness. We need to recognize where these beliefs come from and how they affect us on a daily basis. This can be done through therapy, journaling, introspection, and conversation with trusted friends and loved ones. It's important to remember that shame isn't your fault; it was taught to you, and you didn't have control over it.
Once we acknowledge that shame exists within us, we can begin to challenge it. This involves reframing our thoughts and changing the narrative around what makes us feel bad about ourselves. Instead of focusing on the ways we don't measure up, we should celebrate our uniqueness and embrace our bodies for all they are. We can also practice self-compassion, self-love, and self-acceptance, recognizing that our worth goes beyond physical appearance or performance.
Reclaiming Pleasure
Reclaiming pleasure means reclaiming ownership over our bodies and desires. It means exploring our boundaries and learning to communicate them effectively with partners. It means understanding that no experience is "wrong" or "shameful," as long as it's consensual and safe. Reclaiming pleasure requires vulnerability, courage, and willingness to take risks. We may not always get it right, but each time we try, we're one step closer to connecting with ourselves and our partners in a deeper way.
Erotic shame isn't natural – it's inherited. We aren't born feeling ashamed of our bodies; rather, society has taught us to fear them. By unlearning these beliefs and healing from shame, we can begin to reclaim pleasure and intimacy in our lives. The journey towards true connection starts with acknowledging where we've been hurt and working towards acceptance and self-love.