Sexual trust is a key component of any healthy relationship that involves physical intimacy. It refers to the belief that your partner will be there for you, support you, and keep your secrets confidential during moments of vulnerability when it comes to sex.
Many people struggle to maintain this feeling of safety due to various reasons such as past experiences, fear of judgment, trauma, shame, embarrassment, etc. When you feel ashamed about your sexual desires, it's easy to lose confidence and become nervous about opening up to your partner. This can lead to a loss of connection and intimacy, which ultimately destroys trust between partners. If you find yourself in this situation, how do you rebuild sexual trust after embarrassment about your sexual desires? Here are some tips to help you out:
1. Communicate openly and honestly with your partner
The most critical step towards rebuilding sexual trust is communication. It's essential to share your feelings, thoughts, and desires without holding back. The more honest you are with each other, the better you understand each other, and the easier it becomes to build mutual respect and trust. Speak clearly and concisely about what bothers or excites you, so they understand where you're coming from. Don't assume your partner knows your deepest fantasies and insecurities without telling them explicitly. Be specific about the kind of sex you want, the things that excite you, and the boundaries you need to uphold. You may also use phrases like 'I feel', 'It makes me uncomfortable', 'I would love if we tried X', 'I wish we could try Y' to ensure clarity in your message. By communicating freely, you create a safe space for your partner to respond appropriately and avoid misinterpretation.
2. Set clear rules and boundaries
Sexual exploration requires mutual consent, respect, and healthy boundaries. Without establishing these ground rules beforehand, it's easy to get carried away and hurt each other emotionally or physically during the heat of passion. Therefore, take time to discuss and set up boundaries on acceptable and non-acceptable behaviors. If you're not comfortable doing certain things, let your partner know.
Some people might be against anal sex, oral sex, or using certain toys. Others may enjoy spanking but dislike choking or bondage. Set up rules based on both partners' preferences to avoid misunderstandings later on. This way, you can explore your sexual needs safely while still maintaining trust between you.
3. Practice patience and understanding
When rebuilding sexual trust after embarrassment, practice patience and understanding with your partner. Understand that they are human too and have feelings just as you do. Let go of assumptions, judgments, and resentment towards them. Your partner is probably going through their own struggles and insecurities, so don't put pressure on them to satisfy your desires immediately. Instead, work together towards meeting each other's needs slowly and gradually over time. Remember that intimacy takes time, effort, and patience from both parties. Be patient enough to discover new ways of pleasing each other without rushing into anything. It's also essential to understand that some desires may never come true due to circumstances beyond your control; accept this fact and move forward positively.
4. Seek professional help if needed
If you find it challenging to talk about your sexual desires with your partner, seek professional help. A therapist can guide you through the process of expressing yourself freely and helping you overcome shame and guilt associated with your sexuality. They can also offer a safe space for discussions outside your relationship, where you feel comfortable sharing your deepest fears and anxieties.
Sex coaches and sex-positive counselors can provide practical tips and guidance on how to explore your sexuality in a healthy manner. With the right support system, you will be able to overcome any barriers standing in your way of building mutual trust and respect during physical intimacy.
5. Practice self-care and self-love
Practice self-care and love to build sexual confidence and rebuild sexual trust. Take care of yourself emotionally, physically, and mentally by doing things that bring joy and fulfillment to your life. Explore different hobbies, interests, and activities that make you happy. Also, engage in solo sexual play or masturbation to understand your body better and what turns you on. By practicing self-care, you learn to appreciate yourself as an individual, which leads to more positive feelings towards others. You also become more confident in speaking up for yourself when something makes you uncomfortable or excites you sexually. Remember that self-confidence is vital in every area of life, including your relationships.
Rebuilding sexual trust after embarrassment about your sexual desires requires open communication, clear boundaries, patience, professional help if needed, and self-care. It's essential to acknowledge that this process takes time, effort, and commitment from both partners. But with understanding, patience, and hard work, it's possible to create a healthier and stronger connection in your relationship.
How do I rebuild sexual trust after embarrassment about sexual desires?
The process of rebuilding sexual trust can be difficult and complex, but it is possible with patience, communication, and effort from both partners involved. It may involve addressing underlying factors such as body image issues or fears of intimacy, working through feelings of shame or betrayal, and establishing new boundaries around sex that are comfortable for both individuals.