The experience of military service can have profound effects on those who serve. Combat exposure is often associated with post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD), depression, anxiety, substance abuse, and relationship difficulties. The latter are often characterized by feelings of detachment, distance, and emotional numbing between partners, which can lead to breakups or divorce. Many veterans report feeling uncomfortable with closeness, intimacy, or affection after combat trauma.
Despite these challenges, there are ways for couples to rebuild trust and restore intimacy.
Step 1: Understand the impact of PTSD on intimacy
Combat trauma can cause changes in brain functioning that make it difficult for individuals to process emotions, feel comfortable with intimate situations, or regulate their own emotions. PTSD may manifest as hypervigilance, jumpiness, startle responses, aggression, irritability, anger outbursts, mistrust, guilt, fear of abandonment, flashbacks, nightmares, difficulty sleeping, concentration problems, and hyperarousal. These symptoms can interfere with a person's ability to communicate effectively, be emotionally available to others, or engage in healthy sexual behavior. Therefore, the first step in restoring intimacy is to acknowledge the impact of PTSD on your partner's life and recognize how it affects their relationships.
Step 2: Prioritize communication
Establish an open dialogue about what each partner needs from the other. Listen actively, validate feelings, and create an environment where both parties can express themselves without judgment. Avoid blame, criticism, or accusations. Instead, focus on creating a safe space where partners can share their thoughts, feelings, and experiences. This means being honest about what you need, while also respecting your partner's boundaries. It may help to talk about specific events that led up to difficulties or uncomfortable topics like sex or touching. Establishing trust requires vulnerability and transparency.
Step 3: Practice mindfulness exercises
Mindfulness meditation involves training the brain to observe sensations, emotions, and thoughts objectively rather than reacting automatically. Mindfulness-based stress reduction (MBSR) has been shown to improve intimacy by increasing self-awareness and reducing anxiety. Couples can practice mindfulness together, focusing on breathing, body scans, and observing feelings without judgement. MBSR teaches partners to accept their experiences without fighting or avoiding them, which can reduce conflict and promote closeness.
Step 4: Engage in shared activities
Shared activities allow couples to reconnect emotionally while engaging in healthy behavior. Take time for hobbies, sports, or outdoor activities that require teamwork or collaboration. These activities can foster trust, cooperation, communication, and positive interactions between partners. Sharing interests reduces isolation and creates opportunities to build positive memories together. Make sure each person feels comfortable with any activity chosen; if one party isn't interested, choose something else.
Step 5: Reframe negative beliefs about intimacy
Many veterans have negative associations with sexuality or intimacy because of combat trauma.
They may believe that sex is dirty or that they are damaged goods after seeing violence. To overcome these beliefs, couples must challenge negative thought patterns and replace them with more positive ones. This means accepting yourself as you are, recognizing your partner's value despite mistakes or shortcomings, and learning to communicate effectively when issues arise. Consider seeking professional help from a therapist who specializes in PTSD and relationships.
What strategies support the restoration of intimacy after one partner experiences combat trauma?
After experiencing combat trauma, reestablishing intimacy with their partners can be challenging for veterans due to issues such as difficulty expressing their feelings and managing stress. A significant strategy is open communication between partners about the traumatic experience, which allows them to gain better understanding and empathy towards each other. Another approach involves engaging in shared activities that promote connection, such as hobbies or outdoor recreation.