Traumatic experiences can leave individuals feeling disconnected from their bodies and their emotions, making it difficult to connect with others on an intimate level. This is especially true in committed partnerships where there may be high expectations for trust, honesty, and open communication. Trauma can cause people to suppress their feelings and avoid closeness, resulting in a pattern of erotic avoidance that can strain the relationship. In this article, I will discuss how trauma impacts partnerships and what couples can do to overcome erotic avoidance.
How does trauma affect commitment?
Experiencing trauma can lead to psychological symptoms such as depression, anxiety, and posttraumatic stress disorder (PTSD) which can negatively impact relationships. When someone is suffering from these conditions, they may struggle to feel safe enough to fully engage in intimacy with their partner. They may also feel ashamed or embarrassed about their trauma, leading them to withdraw emotionally. This can create a cycle of distrust and resentment between partners, further exacerbating the problem.
Trauma survivors may have difficulty regulating their emotions, which can make it challenging to express themselves clearly in the moment.
What are some common patterns of erotic avoidance?
In committed partnerships, trauma can manifest itself in various ways, including sexual avoidance. Some common signs of erotic avoidance include:
- Avoiding physical touch or affection
- Withholding sex
- Not initiating sexual activities
- Talking about sex but not acting on it
- Feeling numb during sexual encounters
- Difficulty achieving orgasm
These behaviors can be especially harmful to the relationship because they can cause a partner to feel rejected or unworthy. The partner may begin to question whether they are desirable or attractive, leading to feelings of rejection or low self-esteem. This can further drive a wedge between partners, making it difficult to overcome the issue.
How can couples work through erotic avoidance?
Overcoming erotic avoidance takes time and effort, but there are steps that couples can take to improve communication and trust. Here are some strategies for addressing erotic avoidance in a committed partnership:
1. Understand each other's triggers - Both partners should learn to recognize each other's triggers and communicate when they experience them.
If one partner feels triggered by certain words or actions, they should let the other know so they can adjust their behavior accordingly.
2. Build safety and security - Creating a safe space where both partners feel secure is crucial for overcoming erotic avoidance. This means establishing clear boundaries and rules around intimacy, such as no judgement, pressure, or criticism.
3. Be patient - Overcoming erotic avoidance requires patience and understanding from both partners. It is essential to give each other the time and space needed to heal without pushing too hard or being too critical.
4. Seek professional help - If the trauma is severe or persistent, seeking professional help may be necessary. A therapist or counselor who specializes in trauma treatment can provide guidance and support as you navigate this challenging journey together.
5. Practice self-care - Taking care of yourself emotionally and physically can help reduce stress and anxiety, making it easier to connect with your partner on an intimate level. Engaging in healthy habits like exercise, meditation, and mindfulness can also improve mood and wellbeing.
Erotic avoidance can have serious consequences for committed relationships, but it is possible to overcome it with patience, communication, and compassion. By working through these issues together, couples can build stronger bonds and deeper levels of intimacy than ever before. Remember, healing takes time, so don't get discouraged if progress doesn't happen overnight. With effort and dedication, you can create a fulfilling and rewarding relationship that lasts a lifetime.
How does trauma reinforce erotic avoidance in committed partnerships?
Traumatic experiences can have an impact on our sexuality and intimacy with our partners. Research has shown that individuals who experienced childhood maltreatment or other forms of abuse may struggle with feeling comfortable or safe expressing their needs during sex and forming meaningful connections. This is because such experiences often leave them with low self-esteem, fear of rejection, or feelings of guilt and shame around sexual activity.