Sexual confidence is the ability to feel comfortable expressing your sexual needs and preferences without fear of judgment or embarrassment. After experiencing an incident that made you feel uncomfortable about your own desires, it may be difficult to regain this sense of self-assurance.
There are several steps you can take to improve your sexual confidence and start enjoying yourself again. 1) Understand why you felt ashamed. Think about what caused your shame and why you reacted the way you did. Was it something specific someone said? Did they imply that your desire was strange, wrong, immoral, taboo, etc.? What expectations do you have around sex? Were those expectations realistic? Why does feeling bad about yourself affect how much pleasure you get from sex? 2) Reframe your attitude towards sexual expression. Recognize that having unique wants and needs doesn't make you abnormal or bad. You may need to challenge limiting beliefs about what constitutes "appropriate" behavior during intimacy. Talk to your partner openly about your interests, fantasies, and turn-ons. Don't assume they won't find them interesting or acceptable - everyone has their kinks! 3) Practice mindfulness techniques. When you experience a moment of doubt or anxiety before or during sex, focus on your breathing and ground yourself in reality. Remind yourself that your feelings aren't rational; they're just emotions. Remember that everyone gets nervous before sex sometimes. 4) Explore new activities together. Try out roleplaying games, toys, bondage, domination/submission scenarios, etc. Discuss any boundaries with your partner ahead of time so no one feels uncomfortable. 5) Seek professional help if needed. A therapist can provide a safe space to discuss your struggles and address underlying issues like low self-esteem or trauma. They may also recommend medication for mood disorders that impact libido.
Remember that sexual confidence is not an overnight fix but requires effort and patience. With time and practice, you can reclaim the joy of expressing yourself freely without fear.
How do I rebuild my sexual confidence after feeling embarrassed by desires?
How do I rebuild sexual confidence after feeling embarrassed by desires?
To overcome feelings of embarrassment regarding sexual desires, one can engage in activities that challenge their comfort zone, such as reading erotic literature or watching pornography. This can help individuals gain greater understanding of themselves and their sexuality while also providing them with new ideas for exploring pleasure. Additionally, practicing open communication and vulnerability with trusted partners or friends can cultivate an environment where it is safe to discuss thoughts and feelings related to sex.