How to Rebuild Sexual Confidence After Past Trauma or Shame?
This article is intended for anyone who has experienced past trauma or shame related to their sexuality, and wants to improve their sexual confidence. By following these steps, you can work towards building a positive and fulfilling sex life.
Step One: Identify Your Feelings and Beliefs About Sex
Take some time to reflect on your feelings about sex and what makes it pleasurable for you. Consider any negative beliefs or attitudes that may be holding you back from experiencing pleasure. Once you have identified your thoughts, write them down so you can evaluate them later.
Step Two: Understand What Happened to You
Reflect on the traumatic event(s) that occurred and how they affected your sexuality. Did you experience abuse or assault? Were you made to feel guilty or ashamed about your body or desires? These experiences may have caused emotional damage that affects your current views on sex. It's important to understand this before moving forward.
Step Three: Reframe Negative Thoughts and Associations
Look at the negative beliefs you wrote down in step one. Are there any patterns or common themes among them? Challenge each of these beliefs by considering evidence and counterexamples. For example, if you believe "I am not worthy of receiving pleasure," ask yourself why this is true. What does your partner think of you? Have they expressed appreciation for your desire or arousal? Use this exercise to reframe any negative associations and replace them with more empowering ones.
Step Four: Set Goals for Your Sex Life
Consider what kind of sex life would make you happy and fulfilled. This could include anything from trying new positions or activities, communicating better during intimacy, or exploring solo playtime. Write down specific goals and keep them visible as a reminder of what you want to achieve.
Step Five: Take Control of Your Sexual Health
Make sure you are practicing safe sex and taking care of your physical health. Get regular checkups and screenings, use protection when needed, and communicate clearly with partners about your boundaries and needs. Taking charge of your own sexual health can help build confidence and trust in your ability to stay safe and comfortable during intimate encounters.
Step Six: Seek Support
Talk to a therapist or counselor who specializes in trauma recovery or sexuality. They can provide support, guidance, and practical tools to help you work through your past experiences and build healthy relationships moving forward. Joining a group or community focused on healing from sexual trauma may also be helpful.
Step Seven: Experiment and Practice
Try new things with a willing partner (if possible). If you're nervous or unsure how to begin, start slowly by touching each other gently and gradually increasing intensity. Pay attention to what feels good and communicate often so both partners feel heard and respected. With time and practice, you can improve your body awareness and explore different types of pleasure.
Conclusion: Building sexual confidence takes time, patience, and effort. By following these steps and seeking support, you can create a positive and empowered approach to your sex life that honors your unique desires and needs. Remember, there is no "right" way to do sex - only ways that make YOU feel happy and fulfilled!