Dependency is an essential part of human nature. We are dependent on others for food, water, shelter, love, support, companionship, friendship, and many other aspects of life. Our minds can process this dependence as a positive or negative experience based on how it affects our goals and needs. Dependency often creates a distorted sense of reality because it blurs the line between what is necessary and what is desirable. In relationships, dependency may lead to unhealthy patterns of codependency that impede personal growth and fulfillment.
Codependence is when one person relies heavily on another person to meet their emotional, social, or financial needs while neglecting their own self-sufficiency. It is a form of addiction where individuals become so attached to someone else's presence or approval that they sacrifice their autonomy and wellbeing for it. Codependents seek validation from external sources rather than developing their strengths internally. This dynamic distorts perceptions of commitment and leads to manipulative, abusive, or controlling behavior. Codependents expect constant attention, praise, and validation, which create an environment of coercion, control, and fear. They may feel trapped in the relationship but stay due to feelings of guilt, shame, or fear of being alone.
Healthy relationships involve mutuality, intimacy, communication, trust, respect, affection, honesty, and boundaries. Both partners should feel secure and satisfied with their lives outside the relationship without feeling threatened by the other person's independence or successes. When dependency is healthy, it enhances closeness and commitment. A dependent partner feels loved, supported, and appreciated by the independent partner who provides security and stability. The relationship becomes more satisfying as each person grows and learns to be responsible for themselves.
When dependency becomes unbalanced, it can cause resentment, frustration, anger, and conflict.
The key to avoiding dependency in relationships is building strong foundations of self-esteem, autonomy, and personal development. Individuals must learn to fulfill their own needs and desires before expecting others to do so. They must also communicate openly about their wants, needs, and goals while maintaining clear boundaries. Healthy relationships require two individuals who are confident in their ability to make choices independently and willing to take responsibility for their actions. By fostering emotional maturity, both people can build a sustainable foundation that allows them to thrive together.
How does dependency distort perceptions of commitment?
According to psychologists, individuals who are dependent on others often have a skewed view of their relationships because they tend to interpret other people's actions through the lens of their own needs and desires. In addition, such individuals may be more likely to perceive commitment as something that is being imposed upon them rather than freely chosen by both partners.