When military veterans experience traumatic stress disorder (PTSD), they may exhibit behaviors that are difficult for their partner to understand.
Some veterans will become hypervigilant or anxious about perceived threats, while others may be prone to rage outbursts or intrusive thoughts. These symptoms can be confusing and frustrating for partners who feel helpless and unsure how best to support their loved ones. As a result, couples may find themselves constantly negotiating emotional labor in order to maintain healthy and functional communication patterns. One common challenge is balancing neediness with withdrawal. Partners may feel like they must provide constant reassurance and emotional support when their loved one needs it most, but then pull away as soon as things seem better. This cycle can create tension and resentment within the relationship. In this blog post, I'll discuss how partners can navigate these challenges using effective strategies that prioritize both individual and collective wellbeing.
It's essential to acknowledge the impact of PTSD on both parties involved. Veterans suffering from PTSD often struggle with feelings of guilt, shame, and isolation due to their experiences during deployment. They may also have difficulty trusting others or experiencing intimacy due to past betrayals or wartime trauma. Partners should recognize that these issues require time and patience to overcome and refrain from expecting too much too quickly. Instead, focus on building trust gradually through small gestures like listening actively or offering unconditional love and acceptance without judgment. This approach fosters open dialogue where each party feels safe sharing personal struggles without fear of reprisal or punishment.
Partners should learn how to communicate effectively about PTSD-related behaviors instead of assuming understanding based solely on experience.
If your partner becomes suddenly withdrawn after an intense interaction with someone who reminds them of a former comrade killed overseas, ask what happened rather than assuming they are simply being difficult. By validating their experiences while encouraging further discussion, you can help them process their thoughts without feeling judged or attacked.
Make sure not to take offense when they express frustration or anger; instead, empathize with their situation by acknowledging its complexity and providing support as needed.
Remember that managing emotional labor requires compromise on both sides. If one person is consistently putting in more effort than the other, resentment will build until something gives way - likely the relationship itself. To avoid this outcome, try engaging in collaborative problem solving where each party takes responsibility for meeting needs and communicating boundaries clearly and respectfully. This ensures everyone feels heard and valued within the dynamic.
Negotiating emotional labor during times of crisis can be challenging but achievable with proper communication strategies in place. By prioritizing individual and collective wellbeing above all else, couples can create healthy relationships built on mutual respect and trustworthiness even amid traumatic circumstances.
How do partners negotiate emotional labor when trauma leads veterans to oscillate between neediness and withdrawal?
Partners of military veterans who experienced traumatic events may find it challenging to navigate their partner's shifting moods from needy to withdrawn due to unpredictable and inconsistent behavior brought on by the effects of trauma. This can lead to frustration, misunderstandings, and resentment, which in turn negatively impact the relationship.