There are many factors that contribute to how people experience their own and others' sexual desires, but one important factor is gender norms. Some studies show that men have higher levels of sexual desire than women, which may be due to societal expectations for male sexual prowess and aggression. However, this doesn't mean all heterosexual couples will follow these stereotypes. For example, a recent study found that some lesbian couples experienced increased levels of passionate love and less interest in traditional romance than heterosexual couples. This suggests that gender roles may affect couples more generally than just in terms of sexual orientation. Mismatched sexual desire can lead to tension, stress, and conflict in relationships. But there are ways to manage it! Here are four tips for addressing mismatched sexual desire influenced by gender norms:
Tip 1: Communicate openly and honestly about your needs and desires. It's important for both partners to express what they want from sex and why they want it. Be willing to listen to each other without judgment or criticism. Remember that you're trying to understand one another better, not change the other person. Don't assume that your partner should know exactly what you need - communicate clearly. Use "I" statements instead of making accusatory comments like "you never want to ___."
Tip 2: Focus on non-sexual intimacy and affection. If sexual desire isn't always high, try finding other ways to connect with your partner. Spend time together doing activities outside the bedroom that make you feel close, such as cuddling, holding hands, watching movies, or taking walks. You might find that non-sexual acts help increase arousal and sexual satisfaction overall.
Tip 3: Find common ground between your preferences. Maybe one partner wants more variety and exploration while the other prefers routine. Compromise can be an effective way to bridge this gap. For example, if one partner loves roleplaying but the other is uncomfortable, perhaps they could agree on a specific type of scenario or theme to explore. Or, maybe they'll decide to switch off leading and following roles every few times.
Tip 4: Seek professional help. A therapist or counselor can provide objective advice and support in navigating challenges related to mismatched sexual desire. They may suggest strategies to improve communication, address underlying issues causing tension, or even work through resentment or hurt feelings from past experiences. Talking about sex doesn't have to be embarrassing or shameful! It's healthy for any relationship.