Trauma is defined as an emotional response to an event or series of events that caused severe pain or suffering. It can have both physical and psychological effects on individuals who experience it. Trauma-related detachment refers to the way in which people disconnect from their feelings, thoughts, and memories related to the traumatic event(s) they have experienced. This disconnection can manifest itself in various ways, including avoidance, numbing, or hyperarousal reactions, and it can lead to difficulties in establishing and maintaining physical closeness with partners. In this article, I will explore how trauma-related detachment influences desire for physical closeness and how partners navigate this paradox.
One common example of trauma-related detachment is avoidance, whereby people try to distance themselves from reminders of the traumatic event. They may avoid situations, places, or people that trigger memories or feelings associated with the trauma.
A person who has been sexually assaulted may avoid intimate relationships altogether, fearing that they will be triggered by certain acts or touches. Another example is numbing, whereby people suppress or distract themselves from painful feelings or experiences. They may engage in substance abuse, compulsive behaviors, or even self-harm to cope with their emotions. Lastly, hyperarousal reactions refer to when people become overwhelmed by stress hormones like adrenaline and cortisol, leading to heightened arousal levels that make them feel jittery or irritable all the time. These individuals may find it difficult to relax or settle down, making it challenging to connect physically with their partner.
Trauma-related detachment can also affect communication between partners. People who have experienced trauma may struggle to express their needs, desires, and boundaries clearly, leading to misunderstandings and miscommunications with their partners. They may appear distant or aloof, making it hard for their partner to understand what they need or want. This lack of openness and vulnerability can create tension and conflict within the relationship.
Partners of trauma survivors may feel frustrated or rejected when their efforts to connect are met with resistance or withdrawal. This can lead to resentment and mistrust, further straining the relationship.
To navigate this paradox, couples must work together to build trust, empathy, and understanding. This involves creating a safe space where both partners can share their thoughts and feelings without judgment or criticism. It means listening actively and validating each other's experiences while respecting boundaries and limits set by the person who has experienced trauma. Couples should also seek professional help if necessary, such as therapy or counseling, to address any underlying issues related to the traumatic event(s).
Trauma-related detachment can significantly impact desire for physical closeness and intimacy in relationships.
Partners can learn how to communicate effectively and support each other through this process by creating a safe space, seeking professional help, and working on empathy and trust.
How does trauma-related detachment influence the desire for physical closeness, and how do partners navigate this paradox?
Traumatic experiences can lead to feelings of isolation and disconnection from others, making it difficult to form close relationships with people. This is known as attachment disturbances caused by trauma (Grossman, 2014). Individuals who have experienced trauma may become hypervigilant and self-protective, which makes them feel unsafe to be physically close to another individual.