Soldiers are expected to maintain healthy relationships during their service, but they may experience relational disruptions due to frequent deployments, distance from loved ones, military culture that discourages open communication about emotions and feelings, or traumatic events that affect their mental well-being. When a soldier returns home after reassignment or conflict, rebuilding intimacy can be challenging. It takes time and effort to overcome past resentment, anger, fear, guilt, shame, or other negative emotions caused by separation and trauma. The process involves reconnection through physical touch, verbal communication, shared experiences, and emotional vulnerability. Soldiers must prioritize relationship repair and work towards trust, respect, empathy, commitment, and mutual satisfaction. By understanding the impact of deployment and conflict on intimacy, soldiers and their partners can create meaningful connections that support them both physically and emotionally.
Reconnecting Physically
After being apart for long periods, sexual attraction may diminish, which is normal.
It's important for couples to initiate physical contact such as hugging, kissing, cuddling, or sex to restore intimacy. It helps to set aside distractions like phones and TV and focus solely on each other. Taking baths together, wearing lingerie, setting romantic mood lighting, and experimenting with new positions or toys can also enhance connection. Being present in the moment and expressing appreciation for your partner's body will help rebuild desire.
Communicating Openly and Honestly
Effective communication requires patience, active listening, and nonjudgmental responses. Express concerns, needs, desires, and intentions clearly, without accusations or blaming. Ask open-ended questions to encourage sharing and avoid defensiveness. If one partner has been abused or betrayed, it takes time to regain trust and safety, but talking about past hurts can facilitate healing. Use "I" statements instead of "you" statements to take responsibility for own actions and emotions. Set boundaries if necessary to establish healthy limits around topics, behaviors, or time spent alone or with others.
Sharing Experiences
When couples share experiences, they create memories that strengthen their bond. Take trips together, go on dates, attend social events, play games or sports, cook meals, or do chores side by side. Engage in new activities that challenge them physically and mentally. Discuss shared goals, dreams, fears, hopes, and plans for the future. Be honest about feelings and thoughts during these moments to increase intimacy. Avoid criticizing, complaining, or blaming to preserve closeness.
Embracing Vulnerability
Vulnerability is essential for building deeper connections. Talk about past traumas or conflicts, acknowledge mistakes made, apologize sincerely, seek forgiveness, and express gratitude for each other's support. Share private struggles or anxieties to foster empathy and reduce shame. This requires courage and humility, but it builds trust and respect. Allow yourself to be vulnerable first and set an example for your partner. Express appreciation verbally and nonverbally through kind words, physical affection, and acts of service.
Rebuilding Intimacy after reassignment or conflict is a gradual process requiring patience, effort, and commitment. Physical touch, open communication, shared experiences, and vulnerability can help restore connection and create meaningful bonds. Soldiers must prioritize relationship repair, communicate openly and honestly, engage in challenges, and embrace vulnerability to overcome relational disruption caused by deployment or conflict. By doing so, they can build strong, lasting relationships that enhance their overall well-being and sense of belonging.
How do soldiers reconstruct intimacy after relational disruption due to reassignment or conflict?
The reconstruction of intimate relationships may be challenging for soldiers who have experienced reassignments or conflicts that caused disruptions in their relationships. Such individuals typically experience a range of psychological, emotional, and sociocultural factors that hinder them from reconnecting with their partners, family members, or friends. One of the significant obstacles is the sense of isolation that such experiences tend to elicit.