What are "flashbacks"
Trauma survivors may experience emotional "flashbacks," which can be triggered by specific situations or stimuli. These moments can feel like they're happening all over again, causing intense physical and emotional distress that can last minutes to hours. Flashbacks often involve intense feelings such as fear, anxiety, shame, guilt, helplessness, and despair. They can also include intrusive memories and body sensations associated with the traumatic event.
Why do "flashbacks" happen during play?
Flashbacks occur when a person is experiencing heightened levels of stress or arousal, making them more susceptible to reliving past trauma. During sexual play, this could mean feeling vulnerable, out of control, overwhelmed, or humiliated - all experiences that might have been part of their initial trauma. It's important for partners to understand why these flashbacks happen and how best to support their partner through them.
How to recognize "flashbacks"?
Recognizing flashbacks in your partner can be challenging because it looks similar to other behaviors. Some signs include crying, panic attacks, withdrawal, difficulty communicating, hypervigilance, or dissociation. If you notice these symptoms, check in with your partner to see if they need help processing the experience. Your partner might benefit from being held, comforted, distracted, reassured, or helped to leave the situation safely.
What are some agreed methods to help process and soothe "flashbacks"?
Before engaging in play, discuss what will help your partner feel safe and comfortable. This may include grounding techniques like deep breathing exercises, positive affirmations, or visualizations. During an intense moment, trusted partners should pause and create a safe space to process feelings and emotions. Agree on specific phrases or actions to signal safety and security. For example, saying "I'm here for you," offering a hug, or reminding each other of agreed-upon coping strategies.
Why is it vital to respond to "flashbacks"?
Responding to flashbacks helps build trust between partners and reinforces the message that you care about your partner's well-being. When we are triggered by past trauma during play, we may believe our needs aren't important or validated. Addressing those concerns can promote healing and reduce anxiety around intimacy. It also shows respect for boundaries and consent, making future play more enjoyable.
Conclusion: Taking care of ourselves and others
Flashbacks can be challenging to navigate but crucial for long-term healing. By recognizing and responding to them appropriately, we can support our loved ones and prioritize their mental health. This approach promotes empathy, communication, and mutual respect - all essential ingredients for happy relationships.