The word 'dependence' is often used to describe an unhealthy state of relying too heavily on another person for one's happiness, security, identity, or self-worth. In romantic and sexual relationships, this can lead to feelings of entitlement, anger, resentment, and powerlessness when the relationship ends, regardless of who initiates it. Emotional dependence in relationships is related to a wide variety of psychological issues, including anxiety and depression, which have been shown to be prevalent among individuals involved in abusive, controlling, and/or nonconsensual relationships.
What about cases where emotional dependency occurs within consensual, loving relationships? How does this correlate with vulnerability to depression and anxiety? This article will explore how emotional dependency in sexual relationships can become an issue, particularly during times of stress and conflict, and how it relates to mental health.
Emotional Dependency in Sexual Relationships
One form of emotional dependency occurs when individuals rely on their partners for validation of their worthiness as individuals. If they are constantly seeking approval from their partner, rather than feeling confident and secure within themselves, they may experience higher levels of stress, anxiety, and fear when that approval is not forthcoming. The same holds true if they feel they must justify every decision or action to their partner, or feel unable to make decisions without their input or consent. This type of emotional dependency tends to occur more frequently in relationships where there is a significant age gap, cultural difference, or power imbalance.
An older man dating a younger woman may feel compelled to provide her with financial support, attention, and praise to keep her happy and satisfied, while she feels obligated to fulfill his needs and desires. In other instances, one partner might seek validation of their gender, sex, or appearance through constant compliments or reassurance from their partner.
Another form of emotional dependency is the inability to set boundaries or limits in a relationship. When individuals feel that they cannot say 'no' to their partners, even when they want to, they may find themselves feeling overwhelmed, anxious, and exhausted. They may also be less able to meet their own needs, both physical and emotional, because they are focused solely on pleasing their partners. This can lead to feelings of guilt, shame, or self-blame when things go wrong, especially during times of conflict or disagreement. It can also result in lower self-esteem and self-confidence, making it difficult for them to move forward independently after a breakup or separation.
Vulnerability to Anxiety and Depression
Research has shown that people who experience anxiety and depression tend to have more intense fears, worries, and negative thoughts about life events than those who do not. This can be particularly true in situations involving social interaction, intimacy, and closeness. Those with higher levels of anxiety and depression may be less likely to initiate romantic relationships, more likely to withdraw from existing ones, and more likely to struggle with sexual functioning. This is often due to a lack of trust in others, low self-esteem, or difficulty regulating strong emotions such as anger, sadness, or jealousy.
Those with high levels of emotional dependence within their relationships may find these issues exacerbated by stressors such as job loss, illness, financial difficulties, or family problems. They may become increasingly anxious or depressed, leading to further withdrawal and isolation from their partners. They may become more controlling, angry, or demanding, which can drive their partner away. Or they may feel powerless to change the situation, leading to hopelessness and despair. In some cases, this can lead to substance abuse, self-harm, or suicidal thoughts and behaviors.
Solutions to Emotional Dependency Issues
To overcome emotional dependency, individuals must first recognize and acknowledge its existence. This can be difficult if they are accustomed to relying on their partner for validation, approval, or support. But it is essential for them to develop confidence in themselves as independent, competent, and autonomous individuals. This requires learning to set boundaries and limits, communicate effectively with their partner, and make decisions based on what is best for them rather than pleasing their partner. It also means finding alternative sources of validation and support outside of the relationship, including friends, family, work colleagues, and hobbies or interests.
Counseling or therapy can help individuals learn how to manage anxiety and depression while working through emotional dependencies in a healthier way. By exploring past experiences and patterns of behavior, they can identify where their sense of worthiness comes from and begin to build up resilience and self-esteem. Medication may also be necessary in severe cases, particularly if symptoms of anxiety and/or depression have persisted for an extended period.
In
How does emotional dependency in sexual relationships correlate with vulnerability to anxiety and depression?
According to studies, people who rely heavily on their romantic partners for emotional support may be more prone to experiencing symptoms of anxiety and depression than those who do not. This is because individuals who depend on others for emotional needs often face a lack of self-sufficiency and can experience negative consequences if their relationship ends or becomes unstable.