Definition of Jealousy in Open Relationships
Jealousy is an intense negative emotion that can arise when someone feels threatened by another person's relationship with their partner. In consensual nonmonogamy, where partners agree to have romantic and/or sexual relationships outside of their primary relationship, this threat can come from multiple sources, including fear of abandonment, feelings of inferiority, and uncertainty about their place in the relationship. It can manifest as anger, resentment, or suspicion towards both the external partner and their own partner.
Causes of Jealousy in Consensually Nonmonogamous Relationships
There are several factors that contribute to jealousy in open relationships, such as:
1. Uncertainty and lack of trust - This can stem from a lack of communication and transparency within the polyamorous relationship, which leads to doubts about whether one's partner is being faithful or honest.
2. Fear of abandonment - The fear of losing one's primary partner or being replaced by a new partner can be particularly strong in open relationships, where there may be more potential for competition between partners.
3. Feelings of inadequacy - If one partner feels less attractive or desirable than the other partners, they may experience jealousy as a way of trying to maintain control over the situation.
4. Lack of understanding - Not fully understanding the dynamics of an open relationship or not feeling comfortable with it can lead to feelings of jealousy.
5. Previous experiences - People who have been hurt in previous monogamous relationships may bring those experiences into their current open relationship, leading to heightened levels of jealousy.
Psychological Processes Behind Jealousy
Jealousy is often rooted in feelings of insecurity, low self-esteem, and attachment anxiety. When someone perceives a threat to their relationship, they may become anxious or depressed, leading to intense emotional reactions. Other psychological processes underlying jealousy include:
1. Cognitive dissonance - when people hold conflicting beliefs or values, they may experience jealousy as a way of resolving this discomfort.
2. Social comparison - Comparing oneself to others can lead to feelings of jealousy if one perceives themselves as inferior or threatened.
3. Regulatory focus theory - This theory suggests that individuals are motivated either by approach or avoidance goals; jealousy arises when individuals feel they must defend their place within a relationship.
4. Social learning theory - This theory suggests that we learn social behaviors through observation and modeling, including how to respond to threats to our relationships.
Strategies for Coping with Jealousy
Coping strategies for managing jealousy in consensual nonmonogamy may include:
1. Communication - Openly discussing feelings and concerns with partners can help alleviate fears and insecurities.
2. Self-reflection - Exploring personal triggers and emotions can help identify the source of jealousy.
3. Validating partner's experiences - Recognizing that your partner also has needs and desires outside of the primary relationship can reduce jealousy.
4. Setting boundaries - Establishing clear rules and expectations around communication and behavior can provide structure and security.
5. Engaging in new activities together - Spending time on shared interests or hobbies can strengthen the bond between partners and reduce jealousy.
Jealousy is a complex psychological process that arises from many factors, including attachment anxiety, low self-esteem, and previous experiences. By understanding these underlying causes, individuals in open relationships can work to manage their own jealousy and build healthier, more secure relationships.
What psychological processes underlie jealousy in consensually open or polyamorous relationships?
Psychologists have suggested that jealousy arises from a combination of cognitive (such as perceptions of threat), affective (feelings such as anxiety and anger) and behavioral responses (including behaviors that aim to prevent perceived threats). In consensually open or polyamorous relationships, individuals may experience jealousy when they perceive a threat to their romantic relationship with one partner due to involvement with another partner.