Couples often have different sexual preferences and desires. These may be due to differences in gender identity, upbringing, cultural norms, personality, or past experiences.
It is possible for partners to find common ground that allows them both to feel satisfied and fulfilled in their relationship. Communication and negotiation are key factors in achieving this goal.
Discuss Your Sexual Needs and Desires
The first step is to openly communicate about your individual needs and desires regarding sex. This can be done through a combination of verbal communication and nonverbal cues. Be honest and specific about what you want without being offensive or judging your partner's preferences.
"I enjoy doing xyz but would also like to try abc" rather than "You never satisfy me."
Respect Your Partner's Preferences
Once you know your partner's preferences, respect them. Try to understand where they come from and why they matter to them. Acknowledge that there might be things you don't necessarily agree with, but recognize that this does not make them wrong or bad. Instead, focus on finding ways to work around these differences and compromise.
Experiment with Different Approaches
Explore new approaches together that allow you to experience each other's preferences. This could include role-playing, using props, trying new positions, engaging in activities outside the bedroom (such as watching erotic movies), and more. By taking turns experiencing each other's preferences, you may discover new ways to connect and please one another.
Set Boundaries
Setting boundaries helps ensure that everyone feels comfortable and safe during intimate encounters. Agree upon which behaviors are acceptable and which are not before beginning any sexual encounter. This includes physical touch, language, clothing, location, frequency, duration, and other aspects of sex life. If something makes you uncomfortable, communicate it immediately and clearly so that adjustments can be made.
Seek Outside Help
If communication or negotiation becomes difficult, consider seeking professional help from a counselor or therapist who specializes in relationship issues. They can assist in exploring deeper problems and providing strategies for resolving conflicts.
How can couples negotiate divergent sexual habits to maximize mutual pleasure, satisfaction, and autonomy?
Many factors influence individuals' sexual preferences, desires, and behaviors including their cultural background, personal history, physical health, gender identity, age, and romantic relationship status (Meston & Buss, 2015). A couple that wants to maintain healthy intimacy should be attentive to these aspects as well as each partner's needs, boundaries, and expectations in the bedroom.