Why do fantasies sometimes function as rehearsals for feared or desired scenarios, and how does this rehearsal reduce, or sometimes amplify, anxiety in real encounters?
Fantasy is an imagined scenario that often includes sexual activity between consenting individuals. It can serve various purposes, such as reducing stress, escaping from reality, exploring desires, and practicing new behaviors.
When people engage in certain types of fantasy, they may be preparing themselves for future experiences, either to avoid negative outcomes or to create positive ones. This process is known as "rehearsal," which helps reduce anxiety before a potentially challenging encounter.
Someone who has never had a threesome but wants to try it may fantasize about one, while someone else might fantasize about a difficult breakup with their partner to prepare for what could happen if things don't work out. But rehearsal can also lead to heightened anxiety, especially when it involves unrealistic expectations or fears. To understand why, let's examine three factors involved in rehearsal: anticipation, familiarity, and control.
Anticipation: The Excitement and Anxiety of What Might Happen
When we imagine something, our brains release hormones like dopamine and oxytocin that make us feel good. These chemicals increase the desire for more pleasurable experiences, creating a cycle of anticipation that makes the brain crave fulfillment. In the case of fantasy, this anticipation can build up excitement leading to arousal and even orgasm. But it can also amplify anxiety by making us worry about whether we will actually experience those feelings in real life.
Someone who dreams about having sex with a celebrity might wonder if they would ever have the chance to do so, causing them to obsess over their looks or personality. Similarly, someone who imagines being in a loveless marriage might worry about whether they will ever find true love again, increasing stress levels and preventing them from moving on.
Familiarity: Practicing New Skills and Reducing Fears
Rehearsals involve practicing new behaviors in a safe environment before attempting them in reality. This allows people to explore boundaries, experiment with different partners, and try new techniques without judgment. In fantasy, this could mean role-playing scenarios where someone acts out behaviors they are afraid to try in reality, such as dominance or submission. It can also help people overcome fears of failure, embarrassment, or rejection, which can reduce anxiety during actual interactions.
Familiarity can create challenges when the fantasy involves situations that are too extreme or unlikely to happen in real life.
Someone who fantasizes about being tied up may be uncomfortable with physical restraints in reality, while someone who dreams of having multiple partners may feel unprepared for polyamory.
Control: Predictability Versus Surprise
Another factor in rehearsal is control, which means creating a scenario where everything goes according to plan. People who feel out of control in real life may turn to fantasy as an escape, but this can lead to frustration and dissatisfaction if they don't get what they want. On the other hand, predictability can make things boring unless there are unexpected twists and turns that keep us engaged. In fantasy, we often have complete control over the outcome, whether it's satisfying or not. But this lack of surprise can also cause disappointment in real-life encounters where things don't go exactly as planned.
Rehearsals through fantasy can help individuals prepare for potential experiences by reducing anxiety, practicing new skills, and exploring boundaries.
It can also amplify anxiety by creating expectations that aren't always achievable or increasing fears about certain scenarios. The key is finding balance between excitement, anticipation, familiarity, and control to ensure that rehearsals provide the necessary benefits without leading to negative consequences.
Why do fantasies sometimes function as rehearsals for feared or desired scenarios, and how does this rehearsal reduce, or sometimes amplify, anxiety in real encounters?
Some people experience difficulty handling new situations that are unpredictable and may be stressful. This can lead them to fantasize about these situations before they happen so that they can become more familiar with what might happen and feel better prepared for it. It is thought that this process helps reduce anxiety by allowing individuals to practice their responses ahead of time.