The human mind has an incredible capacity to recall moments of intense emotion. Even if the event is decades past, it may still be stored away, ready for retrieval when needed. This can be seen in people who experience traumatic events that trigger flashbacks and nightmares later in life. It's also true of positive memories, like the thrill of falling in love. But what about those moments where you felt rejected during sex? How does the memory of emotional rejection live in your body and influence your future sexual openness?
Emotional rejection affects more than just the brain. When someone says no to sex or even a date, the body responds with stress hormones and physical symptoms. The heart races, the palms sweat, the face flushes, and the breath quickens. These are all natural responses designed to help us survive threats from predators or enemies. Unfortunately, they can persist long after the initial threat has passed and continue to impact us in everyday life.
When these feelings are triggered again, they become associated with the memory of being rejected.
This association becomes stronger, leading to anxiety and fear around dating and intimacy. Someone who has experienced many instances of rejection may become fearful of trying again because of how their body reacted before. They may find themselves avoiding situations where they might feel vulnerable or rejected.
This doesn't just happen on an individual level. People who have been rejected by a partner may struggle with trust issues in future relationships. They may avoid getting too close or feeling comfortable with someone new. On a larger scale, social norms around gender roles and expectations play into this. Men are often taught not to show vulnerability, while women are expected to be submissive and agreeable. This creates a power dynamic that makes it difficult for both genders to express their needs and desires without fear of rejection.
There is hope. With self-awareness and intention, we can learn to recognize and challenge these patterns. By understanding what emotional rejection feels like in our bodies, we can learn to manage our reaction when it happens again. We can also work through past trauma and practice healthy communication skills that promote openness and intimacy in relationships. And finally, we can strive to create a world where everyone feels safe and respected in all aspects of their sexuality, regardless of gender identity, orientation, or experience.
How does the memory of emotional rejection live in the body and influence sexual openness?
Memory of emotional rejections may result in changes within the brain's reward system, particularly affecting the ventral striatum (VS). In particular, these neurobiological effects involve decreased sensitivity towards sexual cues and increased attention for other rewards such as food intake.