When you find yourself attracted to someone new, your brain is flooded with chemicals that make you feel excited, nervous, and energized. You start to focus more closely on their appearance, behavior, and personality traits. Your eyes look for signs of interest from them, and you listen carefully for indications that they are interested in you. This intense attraction can be very exciting and gratifying, but it is also short-lived. How do you sustain this sense of attraction beyond those initial feelings? By actively paying attention to your partner. The conscious redirection of attention to your partner increases long-term attraction because it helps you connect deeply with them on an emotional level, learn about them as individuals, and experience positive moments together.
Being present in the moment with your partner allows you to notice subtle cues that would otherwise go unnoticed. If you're distracted by other people or things going on around you, then you might miss out on important communication signals or opportunities to deepen intimacy. Second, when you give your full attention to your partner, you show that you care about them and value what they have to say. This creates a feeling of connection and security that can strengthen your bond.
Engaging fully with your partner gives you shared experiences that create lasting memories. When you recall these moments later, they will bring back feelings of happiness and closeness.
To consciously redirect your attention toward your partner, try to put away any distractions like phones or TVs before spending time together. Focus your mind on your date's words, actions, and body language. Notice details about them: their voice, their posture, their mannerisms. Try to understand why they think and behave the way they do. Ask questions and listen closely to their responses. Take breaks from conversation to observe each other and enjoy physical contact. Express appreciation for their presence and make eye contact often. And if you find yourself getting distracted, gently remind yourself to refocus on your partner. These small efforts can help sustain attraction over time and build stronger relationships.
How does the conscious redirection of attention to a partner increase long-term attraction?
By increasing positive contact with their partner over time, people may start to feel more attracted towards them as they associate pleasant feelings such as being seen, heard, understood, supported, accepted, valued, respected, cherished, loved, desired, etc. Positive interactions also result in increased oxytocin levels that can help foster intimacy and attachment.