How can you regain your self-confidence after experiencing feelings of shame or embarrassment surrounding your sexual needs?
The first step is to acknowledge and accept that it's normal to have unique wants and preferences when it comes to sex. Sexual desires are deeply personal and individualized experiences. It's important to understand that what feels pleasurable for one person may not be pleasurable for another, and vice versa. Shame around these wants can arise from many sources such as social norms, cultural influences, past traumatic experiences, religious beliefs, societal stigma, and more. By acknowledging that your desires are valid, natural, and nothing to feel ashamed about, you can begin to work towards rebuilding confidence.
Next, take time to reflect on your own thoughts and beliefs about sexuality. Consider how society views sexual desire and explore any underlying fears or doubts you may have related to your own desires. Take stock of any negative messages you may have internalized throughout your life regarding your body, pleasure, intimacy, etc. Be honest with yourself about where these come from and challenge them by reminding yourself that they do not represent universal truths. This process can help increase awareness and clarity around your own values and boundaries while also helping identify potential triggers or obstacles to confidence.
Once you've accepted and processed your thoughts and emotions, focus on setting intentional goals and actions towards increasing confidence in expressing your needs. Find ways to communicate clearly and assertively with partners about what you want in bed without judgment or shame. Practice advocating for yourself in safe spaces outside the bedroom too – this can build confidence in speaking up generally. Engage in activities or practices that make you feel empowered and good about yourself like fitness, self-care routines, creative outlets, or volunteering. Try new things that excite you sexually like different positions, toys, or sensations. Explore non-sexual forms of intimacy such as cuddling or sharing feelings to build connection and trust. Finally, surround yourself with supportive friends or professionals who validate your experiences and perspectives; seek resources that normalize healthy sexual expression (e.g., books, podcasts, blogs).
Through this process of exploration, self-awareness, communication, boundary-setting, and practice, you will likely gain increased understanding and acceptance of your unique desires while learning how to confidently communicate them to others.