Unresolved trauma is any negative experience that remains with you for an extended time after it has occurred, causing anxiety, shame, guilt, depression, anger, resentment, or other difficult emotions. Unresolved trauma may also cause physical symptoms such as muscle tension, insomnia, pain, digestive problems, fatigue, or increased heart rate. It can be caused by experiencing or witnessing abuse, violence, neglect, loss, betrayal, humiliation, or any event or series of events where one feels helpless and out of control. Traumas create fears because they often involve powerlessness, disempowerment, violations of trust, and fear of death or injury. These feelings may become generalised to relationships and intimacy, leading to avoidance, hypervigilance, or even sexual difficulties.
Some examples of erotic fears related to unresolved traumas include:
1. Fear of rejection
2. Fear of being hurt again
3. Fear of being vulnerable
4. Fear of losing control
5. Fear of abandonment
6. Fear of not being enough
7. Fear of conflict
8. Fear of intimacy
9. Fear of failure
10. Fear of commitment
11. Fear of emotional exposure
12. Fear of being judged
13. Fear of being too much or not enough
14. Fear of sex itself
15. Fear of pleasure
16. Fear of connection
17. Fear of rejection by a partner
18. Fear of being different from others
19. Fear of rejection for one's body type or physical differences
20. Fear of being seen as weak or powerless
Unresolved trauma can also manifest in sexual fantasies that may seem contradictory or disturbing, such as violence, pain, humiliation, or degradation. This is called dissociative arousal, where the brain seeks to regain a sense of safety and control through role-play or ritualized behaviours. Dissociative arousal may be experienced as shameful but it often stems from an attempt at self-protection against past harm.
Resolving traumas involves processing feelings and memories related to them, building trust, practicing self-love, challenging negative beliefs, and learning healthy boundaries and communication skills. Cognitive behavioural therapy (CBT), eye movement desensitization and reprocessing (EMDR) and other evidence-based treatments are helpful. If you have unresolved traumas or erotic fears, consider seeking professional support to improve your relationships and intimacy.
How do unresolved traumas create erotic fears?
Unresolved traumatic events can cause individuals to develop phobias of intimacy and sex due to their fear of getting hurt again. These feelings may manifest as avoidance of certain situations, anxiety during sexual encounters, or difficulty forming relationships. This is because they have not properly processed the initial trauma and are still struggling with its aftermath.