Jealousy is an emotional reaction that people experience when they feel threatened by their partner's relationship with someone else. Jealousy can cause stress, anxiety, and fear for the person experiencing it. In monogamous relationships, where there is no explicit agreement about any form of non-monogamy, jealousy may be more intense because the individual feels that their partner is breaking the rules of exclusivity. On the other hand, in open relationships, polyamorous relationships, or swinger parties, where non-monogamy is explicitly agreed upon, there may still be some level of jealousy but it could manifest differently. The root causes of jealousy are often linked to self-esteem issues, feelings of insecurity, and lack of trust in one's partner. It may also be influenced by cultural norms, personal values, and past experiences.
I will discuss how jealousy manifests differently in monogamous versus non-monogamous adults based on research findings and real-life examples from couples who practice different forms of consensual non-monogamy.
Monogamous Relationships
In monogamous relationships, a person may become jealous if their partner shows interest in another person, flirts with them, or develops a deep connection with someone else. This type of jealousy is often triggered by fear of losing the partner and can lead to negative emotions such as anger, resentment, and possessiveness. The person may try to control their partner's behavior, question their fidelity, and even accuse them of cheating.
These reactions can also cause tension and distance between partners, leading to further complications.
One study found that women were more likely than men to experience jealousy in monogamous relationships because they tend to value intimacy and closeness more than men do (Rubin & Buss, 1987). Women also reported higher levels of sexual jealousy compared to men, which suggests that their partner's infidelity would have a greater impact on their relationship satisfaction (Gilbert et al., 2006). Men, on the other hand, showed stronger feelings of rivalry towards their partner's lover, which could reflect their desire to protect their status and reputation within the relationship (Miller & Taylor, 1975).
Non-Monogamous Relationships
Non-monogamous relationships come in various forms, including open relationships, polyamorous relationships, swinging, and polyfidelity. In an open relationship, both partners agree to be sexually involved with others outside the primary relationship without exclusivity. Polyamory refers to having multiple romantic relationships at once, while swinging involves engaging in casual sex with others.
Polyfidelity means that all members of a group are in a committed relationship with each other.
In non-monogamous relationships, jealousy is often linked to fear of losing one's partner or feeling less desirable compared to someone else. The person may become jealous if their partner spends too much time with another person or prioritizes them over themselves.
Since these types of relationships are based on honesty, communication, and transparency, there should not be any secrets or betrayals involved, which can reduce the intensity of jealousy.
Many people in consensual non-monogamy report higher levels of trust and intimacy between partners because they communicate about their needs and boundaries clearly (Bjarne Holmes, 2019). This communication can also help individuals understand their own triggers and work through any negative emotions that arise.
Jealousy is a natural human emotion that can occur in monogamous and non-monogamous relationships. While it can be challenging to manage, it is essential to recognize its root causes and learn how to address it effectively. Open and honest communication, as well as self-reflection, can help people understand and navigate jealousy better. In monogamous relationships, couples need to establish clear expectations, boundaries, and rules for healthy sexual expression outside the relationship. In non-monogamous relationships, openness and honesty are key factors in reducing jealousy and building stronger bonds within the primary relationship.
How does jealousy manifest differently in monogamous versus non-monogamous adults?
There are several differences in how jealousy manifests itself between monogamous and non-monogamous adults. Monogamy is generally associated with exclusivity and commitment to one partner, while non-monogamy can involve open relationships, polyamory, swinging, or other forms of consensual non-monogamy (CNM).