A relationship between two people is built around shared experiences that create memories, rituals, and patterns. After experiencing a traumatic event together, it can be difficult for couples to get back into their old routines, especially when it comes to physical intimacy and sex. Trauma may have caused emotional damage that makes one partner feel less comfortable being vulnerable with the other, leading to anxiety and avoidance during intimate moments. This can lead to misunderstandings, hurt feelings, and further disruption of the couple's bond.
There are ways for couples to rebuild trust and confidence after trauma has shaken up their relational and sexual rituals. The first step is communication.
Couples should communicate openly and honestly about how they felt during the traumatic experience and how it impacted them emotionally and physically. By sharing their thoughts and feelings with each other, partners can start to understand each other better and work through any issues that arise from the trauma. They may need to take some time apart to process things separately or seek therapy to heal individually before reconnecting as a couple. Once ready, couples can try new activities that help build intimacy without pressure or expectations of sex.
Taking a walk together or cooking dinner at home can foster a sense of closeness and connection without being overwhelming.
It may also be helpful for couples to set new boundaries for physical intimacy. Instead of jumping straight into intercourse, they might explore touching, cuddling, kissing, and massage in different locations around the house or outdoors. These actions can create new memories and rituals that become associated with positive feelings of love and connection.
Couples can engage in role-playing games or fantasies that allow them to experiment safely within their comfort zone while still feeling supported by their partner. Taking these small steps towards rebuilding intimacy can create a foundation for trust and understanding once again.
In what ways do couples rebuild relational and sexual rituals after trauma has disrupted prior intimacy patterns?
Intimate relationships can be challenging even when there is no history of trauma or violence. After experiencing traumatic events such as abuse or betrayal, couples may struggle with trust, communication, and feelings of safety in their relationship. Rebuilding these damaged components requires time, patience, and a willingness to work together. Psychologist Dr. John Gottman suggests that repair attempts are essential for rebuilding intimacy.