Relational stability refers to the degree to which a couple's relationship is stable, secure, predictable, reliable, and satisfying. It involves emotional attachment, communication, trust, commitment, affection, physical intimacy, and mutual respect. When avoidance becomes the primary strategy for managing trauma triggers, it can have significant impacts on relational stability. This paper explores these effects in depth.
Avoidance is a defense mechanism that involves withdrawing from difficult situations or people, distracting oneself from unpleasant feelings or thoughts, and numbing painful emotions through substances or activities. In relationships, avoidance may take the form of ignoring or avoiding one's partner's needs or desires, not expressing emotion, not communicating openly, or engaging in secretive behaviors.
Trauma triggers are events or experiences that remind an individual of a past traumatic experience, causing intense emotions such as fear, anxiety, shame, guilt, grief, or anger. These triggers may be external (e.g., a particular place, person, smell) or internal (e.g., certain memories, thoughts, body sensations). Trauma-related triggers can disrupt relational stability by evoking strong emotions and increasing conflict, distance, and uncertainty.
When avoidance becomes the primary strategy for managing trauma triggers, several negative consequences occur in relationships. First, avoidance may lead to increased secrecy, dishonesty, and miscommunication, straining trust and reliability between partners. Second, avoidance reduces the ability to process emotions and regulate behavior, making it more challenging to manage conflicts constructively and engage in healthy communication. Third, avoidance may cause partners to feel lonely, ignored, or rejected, leading to feelings of isolation, frustration, and resentment. Fourth, avoidance may create a pattern of withdrawal and abandonment that reinforces trauma symptoms and perpetuates negative cycles of interaction.
Avoidance limits opportunities for intimacy, sexual expression, and pleasure, undermining the foundation of relational stability: mutual connection and fulfillment.
When avoidance becomes the primary strategy for managing trauma triggers, it creates significant challenges for relational stability, threatening attachment, closeness, and satisfaction in relationships.
With appropriate support and intervention, couples can learn alternative strategies for managing trauma triggers, promoting greater relational security, openness, and growth.
What happens to relational stability when avoidance becomes the primary strategy for managing trauma triggers?
Avoiding memories of traumatic experiences can help people feel safer in the present moment but may negatively impact relational stability over time. This is because it prevents individuals from fully processing their past traumas, which can lead to feelings of isolation and disconnection from others. Additionally, avoiding conversations about difficult topics can create distance between partners, leading to misunderstandings and conflicts that are challenging to resolve.