What is dissociation?
Dissociation is when someone experiences a separation from their sense of self, identity, thoughts, feelings, memories, bodily sensations, surroundings, actions, or awareness of time and place. It can be partial or total, conscious or unconscious, temporary or permanent. Dissociation may occur during times of stress or trauma, often resulting from childhood abuse, neglect, or exposure to violence.
During sex, some survivors report feeling "disconnected" from themselves or their partners. This may involve numbing emotions or experiencing detachment, distance, or confusion about what's happening. They might feel like they're watching from outside their body or are observing themselves engaging in activities that don't match how they feel inside. They may also have distorted perceptions of their partner's physical features, such as size or gender, which can create anxiety and fear.
What causes dissociative sex?
Trauma triggers several physiological responses that make it difficult for people to process information rationally. These include increased heart rate, breathing, and blood pressure; decreased oxygen supply to the brain; reduced ability to focus attention; and heightened arousal. When someone is triggered during sex, these physiological changes intensify, making it harder for them to control their thoughts and behavior.
This leaves them vulnerable to flashbacks, panic attacks, intrusive thoughts, and emotional dysregulation. In addition, trauma survivors may develop negative associations with sexual intimacy due to past abuse, leading to shame, guilt, self-blame, and avoidance behaviors.
How do you recognize dissociative sex?
If your partner seems distant or unresponsive, has difficulty following conversations or maintaining eye contact, appears preoccupied or distracted, or experiences sudden mood swings or shifts in energy level, it could indicate dissociation. You may notice sudden changes in their behavior or see them "freeze" mid-action without explanation.
They might appear unaware of their surroundings, seem out of touch with reality, or describe sensory or bodily sensations inconsistent with what they're experiencing. You may notice a loss of interest in sex or withdraw from affectionate contact.
What should you do if your partner dissociates during sex?
Dissociative sex can be frightening and confusing for both partners. The best thing you can do is stay calm and listen carefully to your partner's needs. Avoid judgment, criticism, or dismissiveness, and let them know that you care about their well-being. Don't push them to engage in activities that make them feel uncomfortable or unsafe. If possible, allow them time to process their experience before resuming intimacy.
If you want to learn more about the topic, consider consulting with a mental health professional who specializes in treating PTSD or trauma recovery. They can help identify triggers and develop coping strategies to manage dissociative episodes.
Couples therapy can teach communication skills and improve relationship satisfaction.
What psychological triggers cause trauma survivors to dissociate during sex?
The term "trauma" refers to experiences that cause extreme stress and fear, such as physical or sexual abuse, natural disasters, accidents, violence, or other life-threatening events. Traumatic events can lead to feelings of helplessness, powerlessness, and fear, which can have long-lasting effects on mental health.